HOW LIKE A GOD
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to come to another class, made their success seem that much less
problematic. They were like many students in this fancy, convinced
that the mere attendance at class and the simple fact of carrying
a book around contained a virtue of success. And they were not far
wrong; in their attempt to surmount the barricade of their illiterate–
ness they were exercising a particular passion, and their books and
attendance at class were embodiments of that passion. It would be
difficult to discourage the foredoomed attempt without discouraging
the passion itself. The distinction was too delicate, too fine, for me
to trust them with.
If
I discouraged them from taking the test they
were likely to infer that I was disparaging their ambition, even their
characters. On the other hand was I going to let them go like sheep
to a slaughter, like trainees into combat? I was their cadre, so to
speak, and it was strictly incumbent on me not to let them out of
training until they qualified'. Such reflections would never have oc–
curred to me had not all of them taken their lessons and the pros–
pects of the GED certificate with the most disconcerting seriousness.
In part this was my fault, for unwittingly I had brought to this class
the same weight of seriousness that I had brought to my teaching in
civilian life, and I had accommodated these soldiers and their diffi–
culties wirh the tones of interest and consideration that had seemed
to help in overcoming the difficulties of my former students. They
had responded with avid and innocent good will to this treatment.
It brought forth from them an acuteness of yearning, a vanity of
youthful ambition they had hitherto been unable to indulge. I was
their well-intentioned Svengali, but unlike him had kept no ambition
to share with them.
I chose to say nothing. I reasoned that after
all
it was their
burden, for I had not solicited their attendance nor did I plead with
them to take the test. I could not hold myself accountable for their
credulousness or for their exaggerated expectations. Nor could they
be entirely unaware of my presentiments and hesitations. So each
week the farce went on. They chose not to
ask
me whether or not
I believed they would pass the test. Instead, at the end of each ses–
sion they would stand about and assert within earshot that, judging
from what they were learning each week, they stood a pretty fair
chance of passing. I refrained from contradicting them since they
would not directly address me.
If
they were afraid to find out my
