426
PARTISAN REVIEW
garet. May I never live to go through another like it. I mean that with
all my heart. So I'm not going to try to do any thinking today. To–
morrow I'm going to see some guys. One is a sales manager. The other
is in television. But not to act," he hastily added. "On the business end."
"That's just some more of your talk, Tommy," she said. "You
ought to patch things up with Rojax Corporation. They'd take you
back. You've got to stop thinking like a youngster."
"What do you mean?"
"Well," she said, measured and unbending, remorselessly unbend–
ing. "You still think like a youngster. But you can't do that any more.
Every other day you want to make a new start. But in eighteen years
you'll be eligible for retirement. Nobody wants to hire a new man of
your age."
"I know. But listen you don't have to sound so hard. I can't crawl
back to them. And really you don't have to sound so hard. I haven't
done you so much harm."
"Tommy, I have to chase you and ask you for money that you
owe us, and I hate it."
She hated also to be told that her voice was hard.
"I'm making an effort to control myself," she told him.
He could picture her, her hair cut in graying bangs above her
pretty, decisive face. She prided herself on being fair-minded. We could
not bear, he thought, to know what we do. Even though blood is spilled.
Even though the breath of life is taken from someone's nostrils. This
is the way of the weak; quiet and fair. And then smash! smash!
"Rojax take me back? I'd have to crawl back. They don't need me.
After so many years I should have got stock in the firm. How can I
support the three of you, and live myself, on half my territory? And why
should I even try when you won't lift a finger to help? I sent you back
to school, didn't I? At that time you said ..."
His voice was rising. She did not like that and intercepted
him.
"You misunderstood me," she said.
"You must realize you're killing me. You can't be as blind as all
that. Thou shalt not kill! Don't you remember that?"
She said, "You're just raving now. When you calm down it'll be
different. I have great confidence in your earning ability."
"Margaret, you don't grasp the situation. You'll have to get a job."
"Absolutely not. I'm not going to have two young children running
loose."
"They're not babies," Wilhelm said. "Tommy is fourteen. Paulie
is going to be ten."
"Look," Margaret said in her deliberate manner. "We can't con–
tinue this conversation if you're going to yell so, Tommy. They're at a
dangerous age. There are teen-aged gangs. The parents working, or the
families broken up."
Once again she was reminding him that it was he who had left
her. She had the bringing up of the children as her burden, while he
must expect to pay the price of his freedom.
