AMONG THE ANGELIC ORDERS
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like you to have her books, her notebooks, and all those other things.
Perhaps you could do something with them. I-I don't know. I
keep feeling I should have listened to those voices, or paid more at–
tention, or something."
"But you didn't
hear
them, how could you. Besides, it wouldn't
have saved her. This was something else, it had nothing to do with
the voices."
"Do you remember, she used to say something about angels-"
Melvin seemed quite unaware of the difference in Gretchen's feeling.
"It
was from Rilke, something I thought was silly. But you know–
she was-Well, I wonder what she meant, she didn't mean the angels
in heaven-still-" He was unprepared for the event and the vo–
cabulary equally.
"You should save everything for the baby-" and at this men–
tion of the dead Sheila's link with the future, Gretchen began to cry
again. Sheila said so little from beyond the grave. It made one cry,
as Gretchen cried now, terribly. And it was terrible to be patted by
Melvin.
The baby being alive made Sheila seem so much more dead.
She really was dead. And being dead was more real for her than
when she was alive. It was a dishonor to Sheila to pretend a belief
in her now, a loyalty never expressed. But to deny it was a greater
dishonor, more despicable. For Gretchen it was all terrible. Nothing
she
could feel was right. And, suddenly, worst of all, like a gleam
of the future-a presentiment, an intuition-she had a feeling that
Melvin would ask her to marry him and be a mother to the baby. He
did later, but fortunately it was too near Sheila's death for that.
