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PARTISAN REVIEW
blasphemed. Thus he arrived at the highest point of the mountains, and
the uncertain light stretched down toward the white masses of stone,
and the heavens were a stupid blue eye, and the moon, quite ludicrous,
idiotic, stood in the midst. Lenz had to laugh loudly, and as he laughed
atheism took root in him and possessed him utterly, steadily, calmly, re–
lentlessly. He no longer knew what it was that had moved him so much
before, he felt cold; he thought he would like to go to bed now, and
went his way through the uncanny darkness, cold and unshakable-all
was empty and hollow to him, he was compelled to run home, and went
to bed.
On
the following day he felt intense horror when he remembered
his condition on the previous night. Now he stood on the brink of the
abyss, where a mad desire urged him to look into its depths again and
again and to repeat this torment. Then his fear increased, for what
confronted him was nothing less than the sin against the Holy Ghost.
Some days later Oberlin returned from Switzerland much sooner
than expected. Lenz was upset by this. But he became more cheerful
when Oberlin told him about his fri ends in Alsace. Oberlin walked about
the room, unpacked his things, put them away. He came to talk about
Pfeffel,6 praising the happiness of a country parson's life. Also he pro–
ceeded to advise Lenz to comply with his father's wishes, to take up
his profession again, to return home. He told him: "Honor thy father
and thy mother," and more in this strain. The conversation violently dis–
quieted Lenz; he ·sighcd deeply, tears welled from his eyes, he spoke
abruptly: "Yes, I know, but I can't bear it; do you want to drive me
away? In you alone is the way
to
God. But it's all over with me! I've
fallen away, I'm damned for eternity, I'm the Wandering Jew." Oberlin
told him that this was precisely what J esus had died for, that he should
turn to Him with fervor and would then partake of His mercy.
Lenz raised his head, wrung his hands and said: "Ah! Divine con–
solation!" Then, suddenly gracious, he asked what had become of the
lady. Oberlin replied that he knew nothing whatever about her, but
that he would help him in all things; but Lenz must inform him of the
place, circumstances and of her identity. Lenz answered incoherently:
"Oh, she's dead! Is she still alive? You angel! She loved me, I loved
her, she was worthy of it-you angel! This damnable jealousy, I sacri–
ficed her-she loved another man also-I loved her, she was worthy
of it-O dear mother, she also loved me. I'm a murderer!" Oberlin re–
plied that perhaps all these persons were still alive, contentedly perhaps;
whatever their condition now, once Lenz had been wholly converted
in
