PULL DOWN VANITY!
451
with a pang that everyone present had surrendered to his nonsense as
none of them had ever surrendered to my own serious verse.
And the jury debated from twelve to three
What the verdict ought to be,
And they brought it in as Felo de Se,
«Because her own leg had killed her!"
Afterwards, there were the handsqueezings and shoulderslappings,
and the confidential asides of those eager to make it perfectly clear that
the joke was on someone else. Eight or ten of my own poetesses, who
had waited humbly for the chance to be heard, came last of all to
assure me that I had been a "real experience," "a revelation," and that
their lives were forever changed; I felt a maudlin affection for the
self they all loved, and I pressed their wrinkled hands warmly, even
kissed the one blue-haired lady who frankly wept.
I wanted only to be alone with my elation; and I moved out onto
the stone verandah, into the stifling night. My flannel jacket was too
heavy for me, strangling, and as I struggled to slip out of it, I could
feel someone behind me take hold of the collar to help. Turning to say
thank you, I discovered Judith.
"What did you think of it?" I could not help asking, the feel of
the applause in me still, like the sense of the sea after a day at the shore.
"You were very handsome."
"What an answer!"
"I never make the right answers. You'll just have to get used to
it." For a moment she seemed to consider crying, then changed her
mind. "Hank and I are giving a farewell party for the Writers' Con–
ference tonight. We've just decided. There'll be all sorts of stupid people
there--but it won't matter. Please, come!"
"Thanks," I said coldly, "but 1-"
"Let's go, Milton. After all, I'll be there, and we've got a lot to
celebrate, you and I." It was Fenton again. "Demby and Miss Manfred
are flying home tonight, and Bligh's driving them to the airport. So it's
up to us. How can Mrs. Somers bid farewell to the Writers' Conference
without any writers!"
"I'm sorry about the others," I said to Judith. "It must be a
disappointment-"
"I don't care about the others, and you know it, Milton. Come!"
She was oblivious of Fenton, who grinned happily at my discomfiture.
"I'm tired and hot and I want to change first. Maybe later." I
wanted really to stand under a shower, and let the thoughts of the last
