1008
PARTISAN REVIEW
not at all well" and she helped her daughter into the back, as she did
so she heard her mumbling "Oh God! don't let it happen! Oh God!
don't let it happen!" That any daughter of mine should be super–
stitious over a storm, she thought.
"It's lucky, there's only the four of us this time" said Richard,
as he started the car.
Elizabeth kicked his leg. "You silly, thoughtless idiot, don't let
Mummie hear you" she said.
I've failed again, thought Richard. When I was reading about
Stefan Trofimovich's death, I wanted to be there so that I could
make him happy, to tell him that for all his faults I knew he was a
good man. But when my own mother is in trouble I can't say any–
thing. It all sounds allright in books, but when I see people's faces-all
that redness, wetness and ugliness and the noises they make-I feel
ashamed for them and then I'm speechless and that makes me angry
and I say cruel things. It was just like that when Sven was unhappy
over that girl, I wanted to be his friend as Alyosha was to Kolya, to
tell him that I knew he was often bad, but that I didn't mind but
it was no good because I couldn't show my sympathy. I shall always
live like this, cut off, although I think I understand more clearly
than others. But how can I speak to Mother of her fears about Sven
and that they are absurd? No I must always be shut in like this.
Nevertheless when they arrived home, he took his mother's arm.
"Don't worry, darling, nothing could happen I'm sure" he whispered.
But Monica did not hear him, she was listening to the maid.
"Mr. Newman phoned, ma'am, to say that he and Mr. Sodeblom
are stranded at Milkford and will be staying the night."
Monica walked straight into the drawing-room and sat, with
set face, upon the sofa. "I am very tired, my dears, I'll have my dinner
in my room. Mother would you be very kind and see Agnes in the
kitchen, I don't want to be worried."
Richard and Elizabeth began to speak at once, as Mrs. Rackham
went from the room.
"Can I get you some books, Mother?"
"Shall I help you to undress, Mummie?"
But such offers were premature, for at that moment a car
sounded in the drive outside and a few minutes later Edwin rushed
breathlessly into the room.
