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PARTISAN REVIEW
and often pretentious world of Universities, but to a wider society of
people who act as well "as think. Don't imagine that I do not fully
recognize the defects of this wider world-it is an arrogant world,
placing far too great a value upon what it vaguely calls 'experience,'
too often resorting to action to conceal its poor and shoddy thinking;
as a young scholar married to a woman of this world its faults were
all too apparent to me. Nevertheless, however I may have been a fish
out of water there, it was her world and because I was afraid of it,
because I did not shine there, I cut her off from it, and in so doing I
embittered her, twisted her character. There were other factors, of
course, the shock of our boy's death did not help, and then there were
other things" he added hurriedly "things perhaps more important."
"Well, I think that's all fudge" said Elspeth. "You have some–
thing important to give and you've allowed her selfish misery to
suck your vitality until now
it
is doubtful whether you will ever write
any more."
"I am going to do the unforgivable" said Prof. Searle. "I am
going to tell you that you are still very young. I doubt
if
my wife's
tragedy has prevented me from continuing to write, though I
could
excuse my laziness in that way. What takes place between my wife and
me has occurred so often now, the pattern is so stereotyped, that, aw–
ful though it may be, my mind, yes, and my feelings have become
hardened to the routine. To you, even though it is only guessed at,
or perhaps for that very reason, it will seem far more awful than it
can ever again seem to me. That is why, although I had hoped that
your visit might help the situation, I soon realized that pleasant as
it has been and I shall always remember our discussions, the presence
of a third person, the possibility that you might be a spectator was
weighing upon me heavily." He lit a cigarette and sat back in silence.
Why did· I say that? he thought, I ought first to have crossed my fin–
gers. So far we have avoided any scene in the presence of this girl, but
by mentioning the possibility I was tempting Providence. This even–
ing too, when the danger is almost over, and yet so near, for Miranda
had clearly already been drinking when dinner was served, and these
scenes come about so suddenly.
"Well, my dear" he said "I think we had better retire. Don't
worry, perhaps I shall finish the Peacock letters this long vacation.
Who knows? I've got plenty of notes and plenty of time. And, please,
