Life 101: What to Do When Facebook Friends Don’t Cut It

BU Today asked a group of young alums how they made it through the obstacle course of everyday life — like working, budgeting, and dating — when they left BU behind and entered the real world. In this four-part series, we share their stories and tips. Check back tomorrow for Katie Muldoon (COM’05) on how to survive moving in with Mom and Dad.

Read Part One: "How I Survived My First Job — and Found My Amazing Second One," and Part Two: "Money Matters – Why I Cut Up My Credit Cards."

Roberta Halloran (CAS’03) on how putting your ego on the line can pay off, forever:

When I graduated from BU, a lot of my friends moved home; I did not, so I was pretty much on my own. I thought making friends was going to be the same as it was when I was in college — where you go to bars and meet people — but it was different. We would still go to bars, but it felt a little weird because everyone around us was still in college and we weren’t. I think if I had moved to someplace with more of a young professional scene it would have made for an easier transition to adult life.

Because I was single, I wanted to meet that special person. I wanted to date, but if you are going out to bars, you don’t usually meet the quality of people with whom you’d want to be in a long-term relationship.

I was working in a research position at Massachusetts General Hospital when I saw an ad for a research study on how alcohol affects the brain. I decided to do it because not only did you get paid, but you got paid to drink. I started e-mailing back and forth with the person who was going to conduct the study, and I could tell that he was a young person about my age. I got to meet him when I had to fill out a form, and I saw that he was not just young, he was cute. When the study was over, I realized that it was possible that I wouldn’t see him anymore, so I decided I had to ask him out. It took a while, but I worked up my courage and asked him out over e-mail. I didn’t want to play games anymore. I just wanted to be proactive and take a chance. The worst thing that could happen was that he would say no. But he said yes.

When we started going out, everything seemed very natural. We both worked at MGH so during the day we’d meet for lunch and after work we’d wait for the other person to get out and we’d get dinner together. It was nice. We were very much in the same spot in life. Since then, we’ve both gone back to school in different cities, but we’ve stayed together. Very together. Someday, we hope to get married.

Marisa Hudy (CGS’02, CAS’04) on how a hobby helped to build a new life:

The summer after I graduated from BU, my boyfriend and I moved to Salt Lake City. People had warned me that I would probably have a hard time making friends because Salt Lake City is very different from Boston; it’s more politically conservative and there are a lot of religious people. Boston has a much younger population and a lot more going on, like museums and restaurants. In Salt Lake City, things were more family-oriented. In fact, one of the first things I noticed was that many couples our age were already married and had several kids. My parents had always stressed the importance of getting an education and starting a career before marriage, but out here it’s not unusual for people to skip college and be married by age 20 — so there are some major cultural differences.

Shortly after our arrival, my boyfriend — who is an Air Force officer — was called away, and we were separated for two months. It turned out that being separated was a good thing, because it forced me to get out and meet people on my own. My boyfriend and I have never been dependent on one another for friends, and we both thought it was important that I make my own friends and do my own thing. One of the things that made that happen was my hobby: scrapbooking. When I found out that a co-worker also liked to scrapbook, we became friends. Later, we both met other people who were into scrapbooks. My new friends have made it easier to enjoy some of the cool things that are available out here, but not in Boston. For instance, Salt Lake City is surrounded by mountains that are beautiful and so high that you can pretty much ski and snowboard year-round. I think that pursuing interests outside of your job is a great way to meet people. My boyfriend and I have both made many friends because of our outdoor activities. At this point, I’m glad that I moved away from the Northeast. I don’t want to stay here forever, but I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to see another part of the country, meet new people, and see a different way of life.

Karie Frost (COM’00) on what the Web can do for friendship:

The summer after I graduated from BU, my boyfriend and I decided to move to LA, where I’m from. We moved in with my parents — planning to stay with them until we found jobs — and after two months of looking, I did manage to find a job at a trade magazine publishing company.

We moved out of my parents’ house and to Santa Monica, where we didn’t know anybody, and our neighbors turned out to be horrible. I had pictured life being like the TV show Melrose Place, where we’d move into an apartment complex and everyone would be young and fun and we’d all have lots of friends and parties. I thought that wherever I worked, I’d make new best friends. But I didn’t really have that experience after college — in fact, to this day, I haven’t really found it.

One problem was that I just didn’t connect right away with
my co-workers. I’d have lunch in the lunchroom, and I’d ask to sit with them, but it was obvious that they weren’t interested. And there was one girl I would ask about music and suggest that we hang out, but she didn’t want to, she said, because we both had pink hair, and everybody in her department was making fun of her about it. She actually told me, “I think you’re a cool girl, but I picture us walking down the street, people looking at us, and I just think, ‘No.’”

Six months after moving to California, I called my best friend from BU and told her how hard it was to make friends. She told me about a Web site that was like a little community for people who enjoy techno and house music — it was like a thread where you post something and people respond. I posted a few things and had a few online conversations, and found that there was a particular girl I felt a bond with. I told my boyfriend that I really wanted to meet this girl, but didn’t know how to do it. It was like asking somebody out on a date. Finally, I just wrote to her and said, “Listen, I think you’re very cool, and I’d love to hang out sometime.” I knew she had a boyfriend, and that was important because I didn’t want it to be weird, so I said, “Why don’t you and your boyfriend and my boyfriend and I go out sometime?”

We ended up going over to her place, and I was very nervous. Because one of the magazines I was working for at the time was a tanning magazine, I brought some tanning lotion. I just thought it would be nice to bring a gift. It turned out that we really hit it off right away, and she became my really good friend. Years later, she told me that the night we met, she thought the tanning lotion I gave her was hot sauce.