KATHERINE JANOWITZ
but he says 1 did it wrong because the glass is half empty.
I would like to let you go. I would like to desert you.
Old wolf, old fox, autumn is here. The hunters are coming.
"They chased us like animals."
We move too fast for them. We keep one step ahead.
I think you like this game.
"I have pain because of you."
No, I have pain because of you.
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Now 1 put you in my book, Daddy. Now I write you down. Words are
nails, Daddy. I transpose you.
"I would like to murder someone. Just to murder someone."
Yes, I know.
I learned speed from you but now you are slow and jealous of me.
We sit in a circle of light. Elegy and idyll. It
all
comes back.
Pinocchio, your wooden boy. How to escape you.
I am talking about you. I am telling your secrets. Forgive me.
Last week I lost a set of keys to his apartment and then a few days
later, when he was in the hospital, I locked myself out of his apartment and
had to hire a locksmith to let me in (this gave me a secret pleasure). And I
lost this notebook which I rewrote and at the end of the week a pair of pants
I took home to wash for him, but those I eventually found. I also broke my
glasses.
Do you see now?
I am not your child, Daddy. Books are my fathers. Listen to Siefert,
the old Czech poet, the lover of Prague, ofJews, of women. Listen to Capek,
who writes about gardens.
When I was small, 1 was the Amazon Queen. I read so fast I left you
behind.
"It's no good to be old."
What will you leave me?
I would like to divorce you.
"I have only you, only you."
Build me a house, Daddy: Make me a garden. We still have time.
1 dream a fire is coming across the garden and my husband tells me we
have to get out and my daughter tells me we have to get out but 1 can't find
my glasses.
"When they took away my mother's garden she said it was the same
as
if
they had cut off her hand."
1 will make you
palacsinta
stuffed with apricots.
When 1 was small we had a Christmas tree and 1 was the Christ child
and 1was the angel.
See him clearly. Does he hurt you?
Yes. He screams at me. He raises his fist. He wants me to be dead.
