JOYCE CAROL OATES
379
payment on a nineteen-inch t. v., a Westinghouse, top of the line the
salesman said, with a carved mahogany cabinet. And Marian and
Paulie were as happy as if it was Christmas . And Marian only said
afterward, in bed, that she hoped he was going to save something,
there'd be the hospital bills etcetera and they didn't have a whole lot
in the bank, but she spoke almost shyly and didn't press the point
when Harvey didn't respond. And when they went over to his parents'
on Sunday Harvey took his dad off to the side and slipped him an
envelope with a check for $350 in it. This is class, Harvey thought,
keeping calm while his father thanked him, and then his mother, this
is high style, Harvey thought, not showing off, just doing it as if it
was something you did every Sunday just about.
Andjust as Marian assured him, the $350 meant as much to his
parents as $500 would have meant. The idea was the gift. The senti–
ment behind it. They understood, didn't they, that Harvey had to be
thinking of the new baby, that he owed on the car, etcetera, he wasn't
a millionaire who could throw his money around. In fact Harvey's
parents seemed pleased and surprised to get the check as if they
hadn't been expecting anything from him at all.
"The point is, hon, you're generous to them," Marian said.
"You're the best they have and they know it."
"Sure," Harvey said, frowning, embarrassed, "-
okay,"
he said,
cutting the discussion short. But he liked what Marian said and he
knew it was true. He
was
generous. He wanted to be more generous
yet, he wanted to show people how generous he really could be, sud–
denly he felt excited, a little dazed, it was like the sensation he had
when he'd had a few beers somewhere then walked out into the cold,
some winter night-left the smoky noisy barroom and walked outside
with his jacket open, bareheaded, blinking with the surprise of the
cold and the stillness, his breath beginning to steam. Eyes opening
wide and clear. The way the cold air hits the lungs, slicing right in.
The way it feels in the nostrils. Jesus Christ, Harvey thinks, blink–
ing, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, this is it, isn't it?–
standing there smiling, dazed, squinting up at the stars.
He even sent a "floral display" - red and yellow roses, white car–
nations, mums of various colors, daisies - across town to his mother–
in-law. Just for the hell of it. Just to give the old woman a thrill, and
Marian a real surprise.
He was really himself now, he was really getting in stride .
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