LIONEL TRILLING
499
suited, that I agreed that it might be well for me to move on, that,
however, I had plans which involved a few more years of teaching
at C in order to get started on my work of writing. (2) That I had
been failing as a teacher. That I irritated many freshman students by
talking about literature as sociology and psychology. I asked how his
run of the mill teachers taught Babbitt and Point Counterpoint
[sic]
as anything else . Said that E.E .N . considered that my .1st year of
work in 65-6 was excellent but felt I had fallen off in 2nd year.
Replied that this constituted disingenuousness on N.'s part, for he
had assured me that my work had been good, that my removal had
been for administrative reasons, that he was trying to get the course
for me again . Said at a later time N. dissatisfied with my grad . work.
Replied that I considered this equally disingenuous in view of his
praise . Said Neff was an excellent friend . Replied Neff knew less
about me than almost anyone.
I said that nothing could convince me that I was not a good
teacher,
&
that 90% of my students thought me so. I said I could say
this because I had not the slightest intention of trying to convince
him.
Said I thought I was particularly adapted to Columbia
a~
I
thought he wanted it to be. He said that he was sure that I was a very
good teacher as teaching should be done but that they needed rou–
tine men, that the whole dept was to be cleaned out, the most rou–
tine men (Eng A
&
C) to be kept the longest. -Said that my work
in Colloq. could not be done better. I said that I was not unhappy at
Colum though I might be unhappy,
&
that my emotions had nothing
to do with my teaching. I said he was making an awful indictment of
his department if what he said was true. He inclined to agree and in–
clude the whole college system . - I asked him how he knew of my
condition
&
its effects on my work. Said it was generally felt. I forced
him to say it was a mere intuition. At the end he said would I want to
stay another year if the other men agreed. I said I was not asking for
it , nor had I the slightest thought of doing so but that I had no desire
to be quixotic and that a year would be useful. He said he would see
how things
went
(meaning my teaching) and he would delay positive
action . I said since I felt that his altruistic motive had to be rejected,
and since I preferred to consider that I was being dropped because I
was a bad (or too good) teacher, I felt that I could not accept this im–
plication that I was rebuked and would try to improve. He said I was
not being rebuked and he would talk to the other men. I said only if
he understood and would make clear that I had not asked for an ex–
tension of time . He said he understood this.
