MICHEL TOURNIER
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caricature of stilt-walkers' morals, highly colored and spattered with
blood and sperm.
"The one thing that bothers me," he said one night as he left
Bob to go back to his own little bed, "is that, whatever we do, we
shall never have a child."
This thought was certainly charged with its weight of brutal
cynicism, but it was nonetheless secretly inspired by a recent dis–
covery that was to mark a new turning point in his destiny . He had
noticed that while the adulation of the ordinary public had no notice–
able influence on the ball of hatred that weighed hard and heavy in
his breast, a warm, springlike breath did sometimes seem to reach
him from the tiers, and particularly from the very top of the tiers,
from the last benches hidden in the shadows of the big top . From
then on he waited passionately for this breath which touched, moved,
and blessed him, and tried to discover in which of the performances
it manifested itself. Now it was always during the matinees, and on
Thursdays rather than on Sundays, Thursday being at that time the
day when children didn't go to school.
"I'd like it," he said to d'Urbino one evening, "if once a week at
least the circus refused to admit anyone over the age of twelve ."
The director showed extreme surprise at this demand, but he
respected the whims of those stars whose inventive genius had led to
profitable and spectacular innovations.
"We could start on December 24, Christmas Eve," the dwarf
added.
The date was so close and the danger so precise that d'Urbino
began to worry.
"But why , my dear Maestro, but what an idea, under the age of
twelve, but what does that mean?"
Once again Lucien felt himself in the grip of his old,
malevolent wrath, and he advanced menacingly on the director.
"That means that for once I shall have an audience of my own
size! Can't you understand? I don't want any stilt-walkers- not a
single one!"
"But, but, but," d'Urbino stammered, "if we refuse to admit
adults and adolescents it'll cost us an enormous amount of money!"
Lucien's reply rooted him to the spot - Lucien who was always
so prodigiously grasping.
"I'll pay! " he announced dogmatically. "We'll have the cashier
work out how much you'll lose and you can deduct it from my pay .
