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PARTISAN REVIEW
Malraux had volunteered and was waiting to be called up ; he
was to be assigned to a tank brigade. He was sure I could be em–
ployed to the greatest advantage in the newly created Propaganda
Bureau, directed by the diplomat and writer Giraudoux, whose in–
fluence was meant to extend far beyond French borders. He in–
tended to recommend me to Giraudoux, who would prize my collab–
oration, he was sure. Still Malraux indicated that in my place he
would want to be with the fighting forces.
When we said goodbye - I was called up before him - we tried
to foresee what would happen, but we in no way imagined what was
really to occur in May 1940. We promised to write to each other; if
direct communication might be cut off some day, J enka and Josette
- that was the name of his life's companion - would take care that
we should know how things stood with the other. We did not men–
tion death . Death was present in all of Malraux's writings. But I
could easily picture being seriously wounded somewhere and suc–
cumbing alone and helpless, abandoned by my comrades , who
would be either advancing on the enemy , or fleeing from them .
• • •
No, I have done nothing out of boldness or reckless courage,
but only out of the belief that it had to be done, in spite of my vivid
sense of the danger to which I thereby subjected myself. So my cour–
age grows out of the overcoming of fear.
It
is an
in spite
01-
as in the
time of persecutions the faith of my ancestors was.
At our last meeting, Arthur Koestler gave me a white pill-in
case a quick death was the only way out. I kept it in a hidden fold of
my wallet.
It
was lost during the retreat, toward the end of the very
night when I feared that the coming day might be my last.
Dogmas, dreams of saving the world, and the blackmail that
goes with all this, breed the political paranoia of totalitarian move–
ments. Their members become deaf to reasonable arguments or to
the language of facts . This is especially true in a disordered world
where it is easier to orient oneself negatively than positively, and one
is more inclined to believe that the enemy is dangerous and worthy
of extirpation than that one's friend will remain a reliable comrade in
arms.
The difficulty of my position, like that of some of those in my
circle who shared my views, consisted of this : that we wanted to fight
the wrongs but not the people who were wrong. I was careful not to
