MICHAEL MALONE
445
fact is, back in high school I was Vice President of our class , and now
I'm Vice President of our insurance company. I've got two more cars
than my folks did, if you want to count things that way, and our house
has the only high-dive pool in Hope Valley. I had friends back then,
and I've got friends right now. Linda and I don't do the same things we
used to, we 'd drop dead, but we enjoy ourselves every now and then. So
I wouldn't call it completely flunking out.
I knew a lot of losers back then in high school, shut up in their
rooms , shut up inside their heads, and they weren't happy then , and I'd
be willing to bet Buster my bottom dollar, they aren't happy now.
Whether they're sitting on top of the world with a million bucks or not.
Because they're still inside the same head, and it's telling that once–
upon-a-time loser, "Kiddo, who are you fooling? You're no winner."
And so that loser's always got to worry about falling off the world, or
getting kicked off, or not really ever having been there at all. I'd be
willing to bet.
The fact is, I was a winner, whether Buster thinks so or not. Back
then, I was right inside my body without having
to
think about where I
was, the way you don't think about dancing because it's just a fact.
Well, I was that kind of a fact. The way I just knew I could make that
run, maybe like a racehorse knows. And even if I'm not that outside
body anymore, I can enjoy remembering it every now and then . Like a
replay.
Replay gunning it with the sound of the old C.H.A.R.G.E.
shooting up across the field to me out of the band's gold twinkling
horns . And the stadium jammed with colors and friends. Everybody in
the world in one cheer swelling over to me out of all the white frosty
faces. And replay Linda's face as sweet as heaven in the sweet yellow
hay that first time ever.
I was a golden racer in those days and the world was full of gold.
Of course, it's like they say, you can't au trace time in the long run. But
I wasn't trying to. I just wanted to play the game.
So what I want you to believe, Buster, is I'm not sitting here in this
damn recliner, with sixty different kinds of pills I have to get down
myself, doing nothing but boo-hooing about how I used
to
be a big–
shot, and where did all the roses go. I'm not down on God for rusting
my engine with the tarnish of time. The guy that got those trophies up
there on that shelf, got them. Got out of his damn room and went and
got them.
Well, it's just like Sinatra says, "I took the blows. And did it My
Way. " Now, that was a great song.
