64
PARTISAN REVIEW
orders.
If
you're part of an execution squad, you can't pick the people
you want to shoot. Or can you?
It is a glorious day, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the
world.
I am convinced that my feelings are echoed by the people now
casually walking down the Hauptstrasse, stopping now and then
to
gaze briefly into a shopwindow, looking at the things that are on
display, sometimes peering into the interior of the store to see if they
can spot a familiar face, no doubt a German face, a Durer-like face of
an acquaintance or friend.
Daphne, the earnest-faced American woman, was walking back to
the apartment building, her arms wrapped around a large shopping
bag filled with groceries, when I ran into her. I offered to help, but she
wouldn't hear of it. I then suggested that we have dinner together. She
allowed a few seconds to spell out the silence of rejection. She was too
busy, she explained. She was trying to put her place into some kind of
order.
Well, yes, I nodded sympathetically. How about joining me for a
walk this afternoon. I was afraid that I was about to burden her with
the responsibility of having to reject my second invitation. But she
accepted.
Why on earth should I wish to spend an hour or two together with
this earnest-faced young woman. Is it because I desperately need
someone
to
talk to, someone who does not instantaneousl y recognize
the name Hargenau. Ulrich von Hargenau, the elder, executed after an
ill-fated attempt to kill the Fuhrer, and Ulrich Hargenau, the younger,
witness for the defense in the recent conspiracy trial of the Einzig
Gruppe. Why doesn't someone ask me what I think of the Einzig
Gruppe.
Assholes. A bunch of assholes with hand grenades that had been
stored in the cellar of the house where Paula and I lived, until we went
our separate ways.
What do you really want? Paula had once asked me.
Redistribution of wealth, I said instantaneously.
No. What do you really want?
Success, I said cautiousl y.
