BOOKS
109
for ea l Cassady had to be indul ged a nd worked th rough ; imprison–
ment a nd in stituti on a li za ti o n had
to
be en dured and made use o f;
shame a nd guilt had
to
be embraced a nd tra n scen ded . Su ch exper ien ce
was a n apprenti ceship in fa ilure. a nd in li ght o f the di sma l lesson s
with whi ch he was imbued. G in sberg's heroi sm li es n o t in hi s overso ld
res istance to politi ca l power o r socia l con venti on but in hi s refu sa l o f
the o ri g ina l emo ti o na l ground rul es o f hi s life. He a ltered the deadl y
prognos is: by way o f Bl a ke a nd Buddhi sm he became tha t mythi c
Ameri ca n , the se lf-made ma n. a n a na rchi st H ora ti o Alger. Mo re
booki sh , mo re ass iduou sly litera ry tha n the o ther Bea ts, h e rescued
himse lf th roug h hi s read in g. Lillie wonder that he is hono red these
days in th e academ y, to whose bas ic va lues he is seeming ly so a na th–
ema, fo r he is a li ving defen se of the litera ry life, a man wh o was saved
by books.
T hese jo urna ls a nd lellers, by and la rge, have lill ie to teach a bout
Ginsberg's surviva l, but much to show u s a bout hi s earl y desp era tion .
T he
Journals
cover two p eri ods,
1952
to
1956,
a nd
1959
to Februa ry
1962,
the eve o f G insberg's depa rture fo r Indi a. T h e
Indian Journals,
whi ch were th e first to be p ubli shed
( 1970),
ta ke up wh ere these leave
off. T he correspon den ce with Nea l Cassady ext ends fa rther back, to
1947
and the da rk yea rs a t Columbi a, a nd p lo ts the viciss itudes o f tha t
diffi cult rel a ti o nship into
1963.
T he G in sberg who emerges from these
pages is the los t a nd dr iven youn g poet seeking resoluti on o f hi s
confli cts th rou gh determined read in g, mys ti cism, a nd the p ursuit o f
sexua l experi en ce.
T he lett ers to Nea l. es pec ia ll y th e very ea rli es t on es, a re the mos t
movin g and reada bl e o f th ese docllment s. Ginsberg's mys ti cism would
later th row a h aze o f meta ph ys ics over the emo ti ons, and p arts o f the
journa ls make for very to ugh go ing . But the Iellers are direct and
ardent. if confu sed . full o f p ass ion a te decl a ra ti ons o f emoti o na l de–
pendency and p leas for p uni shment and love. Writin g in
1947,
a yea r
aft er th ey had fir st Ill et in New Yor k. Gin sberg decl a red . '" a lll lonel y,
Nea l. a lon e. and a lway s I am fri ght en ed . I need someone to lo\'e me a nd
ki ss me
&
sleep with Ill e: I a lll onl y a child and have th e mind o f a child .
I have been mi sera ble with o ut you beca use I had depended on yo u
to
take ca re o f 1llC' fo r lo\'(' o f Ille. a nd now tha t you ha ve a lt ogeth er
reject ed me. wha t can I do. wha t can I do?" I sca rcel y kn ow o f 1ll0 lT
abj ect appea ls for lo\'(' a n ywhere in lit era tllle or publi shed corres pon –
dencC'. Yet even a t his most desola te. Gin sberg wOllld tllrn hi s sexua l
dependency int o intellectua l adva nt age. llrg ing Nea l. in a pos tscriptLO
one lett er. to read
Nigh/wood. fil ings of thf' f) ()lIf'.
a nd
Th e I diot.
