242
PARTISAN REVIEW
airplane without having a sexual adventure. Women are
always sucking him off in his seat, or the john.
If
it's true, I
must say
.I
envy him. I could sit in a singles bar all night for a
month, and nothing would happen. That's been my experi–
ence.
I'm lying. I've never been to a singles bar. I'm afraid to,
but I'm sure if I did, nothing would happen. I don ' t know
why that's so, but it is. Some women have even told me that
I'm handsome and sexually attractive, but even so, nothing
lik-e Moise's experience happens to me. I once asked Moise if
he fantasized while masturbating. "Mais non!" he exclaimed,
"I just beat my meat. "
"A dog would have more imagination," I said.
Moise was very upset. Not about being compared to a
dog. He didn't mind that at all. He minded that I thought him
lacking in imagination. So much for Moise Rolland.
Getting back
to
my difficulty in achieving an orgasm
with the priest-rapist fantasy . I just had to give up. A rapist
would probably not have difficulty having an orgasm with a
rape fantasy . I don't know.
Of course I'm assuming that everyone masturbates sooner
or later. But if you are not a rapist and still have difficulty in
understanding my difficulty, then try it yourself as they say in
the TV ads.
That is too fucking clever. I wouldn't have said that, it sounds
too smart alecky. On the other hand, I didn't say it. The narrator
said it. He goes on to say:
Jerk off imagining yourself as a rapist. Let me know what
happehs, but only if it's interesting. Write me. My mail is so
impersonal , bills mainly. Anyway, to get back, I wasn't able to
pick up the dream and sink back into sleep. It's crazy, but
what was getting between me and sodomizing that lovely
behind were thoughts and notions about this book that I've
written, that I'm rewriting, trying to revise.
Like me, my narrator is also writing a book. But I've already told
you that.
This book was written a long time ago. As I said, it's been
going on for more than ten years. I'm always thinking, ah,
