16
PARTISAN REVIEW
themselves also in "normal" everyday life. The fear of competition as
inevitably annihilating, based on the fear of destructive impulses
within the self, contributes to the "other-directed" individual's
eagerness to cooperate with others, to make himself agreeable, and to
market his attractively packaged personality. The narcissist's fear of
sexuality and his idealization of the mother-baby relationship drive
him to treat love as a means either of reassurance or sexual revenge.
The aggression he directs against his own ego makes him chronically
depressed and obsessed with the state of his own health, the restora–
tion of which becomes the principal goal of the " therapeutic 's"
existence. Meanwhile the sense of fatherless ness makes him indiffe–
rent to traditional appeals to right and wrong, indeed to any consid–
erations beyond his own immediate welfare.
In his relations with others, the narcissist seeks emotional
security without emotional entanglement. Lacking any sense of his
own worth, he needs assurance that others value him "as a person. "
Friendly relations with others, when conducted at a low level of
emotional intensity, serve to reassure him, moreover , that he has got
the better of his aggressive impulses; for this reason he goes out of his
way to avoid relations tinged with tension or rivalry . Interpersonal
relations mean more to him than to the old-style individualist intent
on pleasing God, changing the world, or imposing his will on his
fellow men; yet he is afraid to "get too involved ," preferring a cool
and casual style of friendship to one that makes heavy demands.
Narcissus seeks neither to impose his will on others nor to surrender it
to a transcendent passion. He seeks only to elicit esteem and affec–
tion. In friendships, casual affairs, and everyday intercourse he tries
to appease the sense of his own emptiness and incapacity . He needs to
reaffirm his ability to feel at the same time that he keeps his feelings
under control; strong emotions threaten his inner equilibrium, al–
ways precarious at best.
The prevailing mode of interpersonal relations, in a society
organized around the "production of personality, " entails an appa–
rent inconsistency. On the one hand, experts in interpersonal rela–
tions advise people to "get in tow:;h with their feelings"; on the other
hand, they discourage excessive emotion . Success in interpersonal
relations, it would seem , depends on the ability to manipulate the
emotions of others while remaining emotionless yourself. You need
