232
PAUL NEUBURG
"All right." She snuggled against him. "Better now, I'm fine ...
What do you think?"
A long walk, he'd thought, preparing for a chance, a long
walk and tell her, gently. Somebody should have done it long ago,
someone who cared enough. Or perhaps they had and got nowhere.
Perhaps she'd run each time, thinking they'd meant that, go. Or
thinking they wanted to change her, mold her, as if she weren't
good enough. But you had to, or just leave, always. You had to
change and mold, there was no perfection, not if you really cared.
Gently, a long long walk and time,and tell her, he kept preparing
for a chance. And now this.
"It's not so bad, really."
"You always say that," she laughed. "I knew you'd say that."
Say, always say, not talk. Let it pass. Then she got the new
place, and he waited. New place, a new break. She'd have to think.
And they'd have two whole days together, doing it, he could tell
her, and she wouldn't run. She'd listen, in the new place, that's
when people listened. Gently, and then she'd try and not run.
"It's nice. Needs work, but it'll be all right," he said.
All right, all right again, say all right. Let it pass. But he mustn't,
he couldn't deep down, it was only a question of time, and then it
would be worse.
"Not now," she laughed again. "It's so stubborn."
"It has to be some time." That was her trouble, running. She
worked to eat, but that was all. The rest, running. Always, from
all directions. But he mustn't run, and let it pass, he wasn't that
kind. He mustn't let go. It would always be stubborn, it was
all
tough and stubborn, and getting worse.
"Not now," she said. "I couldn't try now."
Maybe not. But tomorrow. He could, just this evening, run
with her. Then two whole days together, slowly, gently. Fresh foot–
hold, tomorrow. Unspoiled day and time ahead, she'd be different,
and not panic, and try.
"That's right, why don't we just forget about it," he said. "You
come to my place, take a few things. Have a shower, change, relax,
then we go to eat with them. Then tomorrow we get here early
in
the morning, and do the whole thing."
Nancy disengaged herself and sat back in the chair.
