PARTISAN REVIEW
223
day. He'd resisted till now, saying
it
meant nothing to him, the
few times he'd tried it, and something about coping not dropping
out. But he'd never tried it with her. They'd only been going five
weeks.
He wouldn't be mad, would he. Sounded fine over the phone.
She was afraid of Dave. It was respect she called fear. He was
nice, only he was going somewhere, and that drew her but scared
her too. She'd have to tum him on before long.
The smoke went to her head. No food all day. B.ut
it
was nice,
Dave was coming, he'd take care. She sat down and inhaled again.
A pure cig.arette, no more, and yet it had started her, started
things on the move. The walls, blue but less dirty in here, began
to breathe.
Breathe! In a sudden panic Nancy rushed to the window and
opened it all the way. He'd smell it, the way she was and smell
it from the morning, and think she'd just had some.
Or maybe she had. 0 yes, yes, she'd had a little more around
two, but that was hours ago. Half past five now, or even later.
That's why she'd called him, it was so late. And still, the room was
moving as it had been then, it was alive. Human, tender and
playful, a human being. Herself, the whole room, everything in it.
Not hostile and hard and untractable, and governed by supreme
laws of matter, but alive. Herself.
She drew again. Maybe it
was
the morning now. Or two in the
afternoon, or both. Time too lived, and was hers, it lived in her.
She was the morning and she was the afternoon, all time.
Tramping up the stairs, bundles under her arms, the super
helping with the cases. They turned twice, but she didn't look at
the kitchen or the two rooms in any detail. Just registered the mess
they were in, and went out to buy things. A broom, a mop, a scraper,
soap, detergent, bleach, floor polish, brushes, paint, a new lock.
Dave's things, she thought, they smelt Dave or the names sounded
his kind.
He'd offered to help if she'd wait till next morning, Saturday.
But she'd wanted to show him. They were going out to dinner that
night, at friends of his, and she'd told him to collect her from the
new place. It would be ready. He'd laughed a little as he agreed,
but that only hardened her.
