66
MURIEL SPARK
CATHERINE: I'm not in a sociable mood this morning, Mrs. S.,
if
you don't mind.
MRS. S.: Have a fag.
(She helps herself to a cigarette.)
Annie hasn't
got her Ph.D. like you and Leonora, has she?
CATHERINE
(examines a parcel which lies on a table):
What's
this
parcel?
MRS.
S.:
Annie hasn't got her Ph.D. and that's enough for me.
Charlie wants watching with women that haven't got their Ph.D.'s.
They go to his head.
CATHERINE: What's this parcel? It's got 'For Catherine' written on it.
MRS. S.: Go on, open it. It's Leonora's birthday present. You made
a mistake, Mrs. D., getting your Ph.D. as a
girl
and then getting
married to another Ph.D. Go on, open it. It's like what they do
unnatural among families, the appropriate term escapes me.
CATHERINE: Incest.
(Puts the parcel on top of high book-shelf.)
MRS. S. : Yes, shocking. And to put the lid on it you send young
Daphne away to get done.
LEONORA
comes in.
With a house full of them, you better watch out for Charlie when
Annie comes. He never feels out of pocket with Annie.
LEONORA: Good morning, Catherine.
CATHERINE: Good morning, Leonora.
LEONORA: Good morning, Mrs. S.
MRS. S.: To continue the subject. I wouldn't trust an eleven-plus
never mind a Ph.D. Good morning, Leonora. Go and get some
coffee while I finish settling the throw-outs with Mrs. D. It's
warming up on the stove.
LEONORA
goes out.
CATHERINE: Well, let's have a look, Mrs. S. Let's just take our time.
MRS.
S.:
Perhaps as you say we're in a bit of a hurry this morning.
I'll leave it for now and go and see what she's doing with the
coffee. She might bring it to a
boil.
Fatal.
CATHERINE: No, stay here. Don't go.
MRS. S.
takes the parcel from the book-case and puts it back on
the table.
MRS. S.: You don't want to hurt Leonora's feelings. Go on, open it.
CATHERINE: No, I'm too busy just now.
MRS. S.: I suppose it's a bed-jacket. It doesn't look like a book, I say
