Will
AND WAY
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lost her composure. Gradually, however, her strongest emotion
to–
ward the pair was condescension, with a touch of alarm. Would
they never give up? Didn't they know the meaning of rejection?
Had they no pride?
9.
While eating in a diner just outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma, Miss
Flatface finally fell in love for the first time in her life. He was a
sailor, named Arthur; seated next to her at the counter, his feet
twined around the bar stool, he was bulldozing his way through
three hamburgers doused in ketchup and relish. Miss Flatface longed
to reach out and touch his smooth healthy cheek. The spirits of
Warren G. Harding and John F. Kennedy whispered hoarsely in
her ears, beckoning and forbidding. For Arthur looked a little like
Jim.
Something in the eyes, in the shape of the head, the way the
hair curled at the nape of his neck. Watch out! the spirits cried.
But he's not Jim, said Miss Flatface to herself. Nor am I I.
He's a man, that's the resemblance, observed Miss Flatface,
after a few nights in Arthur's tireless arms. Of course, he isn't very
interested in sexual variety. (Neither was Jim.) But who needs that,
she said to herself, sternly repressing all memories of the unpre–
dictable Mr. Obscenity. The main thing is that he loves me. And he
won't sit on me-a figure of speech-as Jim did, because now I
know my own mind.
She went with Arthur to San Diego, where a wedding ceremony
was performed. They rented a room at the Magnolia
Arms,
with
cooking privileges, but Miss Flatface no longer liked to cook. When
Arthur was away-he regularly shipped out for weeks at a time–
she lived on cans: ravioli, which she ate cold, and sardines, and
spiced ham. In the morning, after going down to get the mail, she
would wander over to the local Bowl; in the afternoon there was
bingo. Needless to say, she was faithful to Arthur-sealing her
fidelity by taking to wearing loafers and white socks, an ungainly
fashion from her own high school days. And Arthur, when he re–
turned home, was as affectionate as ever.
"Laurababy," he would shout as he burst in the door, his
tanned face beaming. "Boy, did I miss my baby! Boyoboyoboy."
Miss Flatface loved the boy in Arthur even more than the lover.
