THE GIFT
455
feed, black licorice, gumdrops, lollipops, and taffy and then he knew
he should not have given her a present of children's candy. He was
more ashamed then than when he had nothing to give her at Christ-
mas because at Christmas Mother said that he had already given
teacher a present, one gift was enough, which was not what father
would have said if he had not been on the road again.
One of the advertisements was about God and his army and
he might try praying to God, but maybe it was not right to ask him
for a present now that he was already on the train on the way to
Brooklyn. Mother said that there was a God and Father said when
he asked him that he would have to decide for himself and Vera
went to Church every Sunday morning and she was sure that there
Wall
a God and she spoke of God as being very kind, not like Mother
who kept on saying that God would punish him for being a bad boy.
Once Mother and Father had an argument about whether or
not there was a God and Father said that Mother had only a per–
sonal God just for herself. God was supposed to give you what you
prayed for if you were a good boy but you could never be sure about
being good and only God himself knew whether or not you were good.
"Dear God," he prayed, moving his lips and almost speaking
until a lady next to him looked at him, "please give me a present
for Martha, even if I am not a good boy I know that Martha is
good, at least I think she is a good girl."
Isabel told him the last time he was in Brooklyn that Martha
had been sent to bed without supper twice in a row but sometimes
Isabel made things up and did not know she was making them up.
Even if God did not answer his prayer and give him a gift for
Martha, it would not show that there was no God but it might
mean that Isabel was right and Martha was not a good girl. Also
it was so long since he had seen Martha, it was more than five weeks,
it was before Christmas, so Martha might have been any old way
and he would not know about it.
He was probably being a dumbbell just like the boys in Junior
High said he was but one of them said to another that maybe this
dumbbell might turn out to be one of those sharks. Of course he kept
being skipped and promoted into Rapid Advance classes.
God would have quite a lot of trouble in getting a birthday
present for
him
now that he was in the subway with the train racing
