SEIZE THE DAY
31
t
mate sent his things to New York for him, and the school authorities
had to write to Dr. Adler to find out what had happened.
Still, for three months, Wilhelm delayed his trip to California.
He wanted to start out with the blessings of his family, but they were
never given. He quarreled with his parents and his sister. And then,
when he was best aware of the risks and knew a hundred reasons
against going and had made himself sick with fear, he left home.
This was typical of Wilhelm. After much thought and hesitation and
debate he invariably took the course he had rejected innumerable
times. Ten such decisions made up the history of his life. He had
decided that it would be a bad mistake to go to Hollywood, and then
he went. He had made up his mind not to marry his wife, but ran
off and got married. He had resolved not to invest money with Tam–
kin, and then had given him a check.
But Wilhelm had been eager for life to start. College was merely
another delay. Venice had approached him and said that the world
had named Wilhelm to shine before it. He was to be freed from
the anxious and narrow life of the average. Moreover, Venice had
claimed that he never made a mistake. His instinct for talent was
infallible, he said.
But when Venice saw the results of the screen test he did a quick
about-face. In those days Wilhelm had had a speech difficulty.
It was not a true stammer, it was a thickness of speech which the
sound track exaggerated. The film showed that he had many peculiar–
ities, otherwise unnoticeable. When he shrugged, his hands drew up
within his sleeves. The vault of his chest was huge, but he really
didn't look strong under the lights. Though he called himself a hip–
popotamus, his walk was bearlike, quick and rather soft, toes turned
inward, as though his shoes were an impediment. About one thing,
Venice had been right. Wilhelm was photogenic, and his wavy blond
hair (now graying) came out well, but after the test he refused to en–
courage him. He tried to get rid of him. He couldn't afford to take a
chance on him, he had made too many mistakes already and lived
in fear of his powerful relatives.
Wilhelm had told his parents, "Venice says lowe it to myself to
go." How ashamed he was now of this lie! He had begged Venice
not to give him up. He had said, "Can't you help me out? It would
kill me to go back to school now."
