200
PARTISAN REVIEW
They went to the door .and waited for it to open. Then they
stepped out onto the platform, two nice-looking bright young
girls,
as if they were stepping into the future.
Sheila took her friend's arm. "I'm so glad. We haven't talked
in so long." She smiled again at Gretchen, with an intimation of
ownership.
Gretchen agreed, there never
is
enough time. They walked down
the platform arm in arm. The stale smell and the windy echoes were
not noticed by these two young theosophists as they went toward
the stairs. Gretchen turned to see if anyone were following them.
She couldn't be sure about the intentions of those two bedraggled
men at the end of the platform. She said nothing to Sheila, who was
talking about messages, but opened her purse and took out her
glasses which she put on.
Gretchen lived on 93rd Street with her parents, and Sheila Fair–
field lived alone in a furnished room on 89th Street. It was their
habit to share the distance in between. One week Gretchen got off at
86th Street, the next week Sheila stayed on until 96th. This was the
third time in succession that Gretchen had gotten off at 86th Street.
They came out on the street and walked up Central Park West.
Sheila was saying that if Melvin and Simeon did telephone, perhaps
Gretchen would like to go somewhere and talk about Buddhism or
education or "ideas."
"You can do whatever you like," Gretchen observed, biting her
lip.
Sheila just hesitated. "So can you, Gretchen, you're free to make
choices and grow. You can be in touch just as much as I can," she
ended rather sententiously. She looked straight ahead as they walked
close to the apartment houses.
Her friend broke in impatiently. "Oh, I don't mean that, Sheila,
you know what I mean! Nobody tells you what to do, or anything.
Nobody minds if you do what you want."
Sheila nodded. It was not a very dark night, but as they crossed
87th Street, Gretchen thought her friend stumbled. Was Sheila mind–
ing because nobody minded? The only thing, then, was to make it
seem a small, mean, annoying thing to have a mother.
"Honestly.
As
I was saying. She minds everything. Nobody really
cares, they just order me around, nobody leaves me alone." But
