198
PARTISAN REVIEW
than having orangeade in a drugstore-!" And Gretchen shook her
head triumphantly, as
if
she had proved her case against the unseen
ant<l:gonist.
"Although I
do
think we'll see them again," Sheila remarked.
"You know, Simeon lives at International House. And he was telling
me about Buddhism. I really think it might be an interesting exper–
ience to know him."
"Buddhism!" Gretchen marveled, and practically fell in her
friend's lap.
"Yes," Sheila replied modestly. "Some of
his
friends are Bud–
dhists, and they've taught him about it. He's thinking of going into
it more seriously."
Gretchen thrilled. Of course, Sheila could always do what she
liked. "Oh, Sheila, really, you're so mature! I was being all itchy,
and here you went and talked about Buddhism!"
"But, surely, Gretchen," her friend explained, "surely your
mother wants you to know congenial people. How else can you de–
velop? or
grow?"
The train shook violently on Sheila's favorite word,
like the motion of something growing, and it made her words seem
alive. They were to Gretchen, at any rate.
"She doesn't know what growth means!" Gretchen exploded.
"Or even development! Or anything!
She
doesn't want me to grow!
-I'm afraid to tell you this, Sheila, but I wasn't listening to every–
thing they said tonight, you know, about Karma and the spirit. But
I was thinking of something else, I was having these thoughts-"
"Oh, about what?" To Sheila, thinking was like discovering the
North Pole, a really adventurous thing. She always gleamed at any
mention of this activity.
"Oh, you know, how I don't really understand. And how dif–
ficult it is, when you're a sensitive person, to feel you
do
understand.
And then, not. Like the spirit and the infinite, and yet being in the
material world. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I really
do
understand it, I mean, I feel as
if
I were living in the infinite and
seeing the world differently. As if I weren't a part of the world, do
you know what I mean?"
"Mmm," Sheila nodded proudly, recognizing the fruits of her
own evangelism. "Yes, of course. What else were you thinking?"
"Oh, how when you're in this different world, you see every-
