LIVES AND WIVES OF A GENIUS
165
various elements of the paintings. Billie was transported to a realm
of creative abstraction more stirring and far more imposing than
the paintings themselves.
Billie learned quickly, and it did not take her long to master
Stanley's way of thinking. At first she would tell people what
Stanley believed when there was some uncertainty about what the
proper opinion on any subject should be, but later she simply gave
her own views, though it was clear she was speaking in the name
of the intellectual team. She came into her own, however, when
Stanley was talking to a group, her high, gurgling voice filling in the
gaps or supplying the necessary illustrations, as Stanley kept the
main themes going.
Unfortunately, Billie became pregnant. Stanley was alarmed,
but Billie assured him she would assume the entire burden and
responsibility of the child. In the beginning she found her burden
no greater than that of carrying Stanley's ideas, but gradually it
began to weigh on her until she became completely absorbed in her
own condition. Exhausted by her job, which she held on to until
the last moment, and her household duties in the evening, she was
forced to go to sleep early, leaving Stanley to carry on his nightly
forays alone. Stanley was not, however, slowed up in any way by
the prospects of f.atherhood; on the contrary, he became irritated
at Billie's seeming indifference to the play of his mind.
One evening, when they had gone to a bar for a drink, Stanley
was unusually enthusiastic about an idea he had conceived for a
long study of prophetic figures in the arts. His face twitched as
he explained to Billie that the prophetic strain ran through such
crucified figures as Melville and Rimbaud, and his eyes became lost
in
space when he got to Kafka, in whom, he pointed out, neurosis
was transformed into a form of prophecy. Billie could not follow
him,
however, for she was too tired to sit up, and since the stool
had no support for her back ;she kept slumping toward the bar.
Several times Stanley stopped to ask whether she was listening, but
continued when she said she was. After about an hour, Billie began
to feel faint, and suggested they take their drinks to a table. For a
moment he was bewildered, because this was the first time Billie
had ever stopped
him
in the middle of a theory, then he said,
"I guess you are not interested in my ideas. Why don't you go
home?"
