166
PARTISAN R'EVIEW
added with cold and level weary self-disgust
to
the tally 'of the
sins
he must soon confess, I swore in Lady Chapel in the presence of
the Blessed Sacrament. God be merciful unto me a sinner, he
whispered in his mind, crossing
himself.
Now for the first time he realized that his knees were very
~re.
The
small
of his back ached. When he moved, bending
his
back,
shifting his knees, everything whirled hazily for a moment, then,
with a kind of sliding or shunting like the falling into plumb of
a weighted curtain, came clear and stayed still.
I
guess that was
nearly fainting, he thought, with satisfaction. He searched the deep
grooves in his knees along the edge of the board and re-established
them exactly as they had been, and bore down on them to make them
hurt the more, and he found that 'it hurt still more to keep his back
completely straight and still, than to move it at all. The pain made
him feel strong and reverent, and smiling he whispered silently to
Jesus, "It's nothing to what You're doing." Our Father who
art
in
Heaven, he began; he knew now that he would stay another watch
through.
Now it was half past four, but nobody moved. Nobody wants
to be the first, he thought. No they're all praying, he told himself.
I'm the only one noticed what time it is. Behind him he heard a
sound of stealthy entering and
of
knees coming quietly
to
the floor.
Now somebody
will
give up their,place, he thought. It ought to be
me.
Claude tilted his head to the other side and now Richard
noticed the translucent lavender beads in his hands. He heard
somebody stir and stand wearily up and he knew by the rustling
starch that it was the Deaconess. She was in when I carne. Been an
hour. Maybe more. Quit keeping tabs, [he told himself sharply. None
of your business. There was the sound of her going away and the
sound of another entering. Pray, he
~old
himself. I ought to give my
place. It was nearly thirty-three minutes after. We beseech Thee 0
Lord pour Thy Grace into our hearts, that--
The sacristy door opened and there was Lee Allen. He looked
more grave and tired than before and he avoided Richard's eyes with
an aloofness which abashed him. That as we have known the Incama–
(Continued on page 206)
