158
PARTISAN R'EVIEW
his own body nailed to the Cross and, in the same image, himself
looked down from the Cross and felt his weight upon the nails, and
the splintered wood against the whole length of his scourged back;
and stoically, with infinite love and forgiveness, gazed downward into
the eyes of Richard, and of Roman soldiers, and of jeering Jews, and
of many people whom Richard had known. It was a solemn and
rewarding moment; but almost within the next breath he recognized
that he had no such cause or right as Jesus to die upon the Cross:
and turning his head, saw Christ's head higher beside
his
own and a
third head, lower, cursing; and knew that he was, instead, the
Penitent Thief.
But it was of course out of the question that in .a deep country
part of Middle Tennessee, in nineteen twenty-three, he could
actually manage to have himself nailed to a Cross; and although
(if
he should have the courage) he could undoubtedly nail his own feet,
and even one hand (if someone else would steady the nail), his right
hand would still hang free, and it would look pretty foolish beside
a real Crucifixion. With any proper humility he would be content
merely to be tied up, as the thieves usually were, and to hang
during the three hours of Good Friday that Jesus hung on the Cross.
Even that would mean a good deal,
if
only in token; the widow's
mite, only it seemed rather more than the widow had managed;
and he realized that many others besides himself would be moved,
and impressed, and very likely improved, by the good example. It
would be impossible of course to get a Cross without removing the
image of Jesus from it, that big life-size one out in the vestibule, and
that would be irreverent even if it were allowed. Or someone might
make one for him but he doubted it. He might make one for him–
self
if
he could sneak into Manual Training Shop and get enough
private time, only everybody knew he wasn't any good with his hands
and simple as a Cross must be to make, they would just laugh at
any that he would be likely to make. One of the school's gridiron
bedsteads would be convenient for tying to, and very likely even
more uncomfortable to hang against than a Cross, but he was forced
to doubt, as with the nail-holding and the Cross, that he could
manage the whole tying-up by himself, and as he thought of asking
someone else to help him, he felt extraordinarily shy.
As
he singled
over each of the few whom in any degree he trusted, or on whose
