THE LESSON
509
"A man with your mother?" she asked sadly, contemptuously, bit–
terly, tenderly.
"No, no, what are you doing?" She dropped the knife and
caught at him as he moved past her. She charged at him. Her large,
flabby, tired, sweating body was gripping him and her face looked
insane. Her face was contorted with suffering and her eyes bulged.
"Oh, what are you doing to me?" she asked weakly. "You've made
me sick- stop this. All right, it's a lesson- let the lesson begin and
end now-and then eat- I'll never do it again-but stay and eat–
stay and eat!" And all of it had become that meal; the meal was
everything; the meal was her strength and her protection of him.
The meal was her love and her bounty for her proud son who was
so good to look at with his dignity but had no strength or ,power.
He pushed at her and started down the stairs. She held him and
yelled loudly into the hall: "Stop, Joseph!
If
you go I shall come
down." But he was back in the house again. He had a newspaper
rolled into a stiff club in his hand. "Mama-Mama," he said, sob–
bing, "what are you going to make me do to you?
"Stay, Joseph-stay-please!" Her voice was tired and crying.
"Never again-but stay! Why are you so stubborn?" She was holding
his arms. Her heavy, sweating arms, with the lumpy flesh hanging
thickly above the elbows, were smothering him.
He smashed the paper against her head. "Mama- Mama- what
are you making me do to you? What are you making me do to you?"
He swung again and again. "Mama, you selfish bitch!" he sobbed.
"You've murdered me," she cried. "You've murdered me and
night and day I worry for you."
"That's it! Why must you be tortured for me? I'm happy," he
lied, "and I like the life I lead. Only your suffering makes me un–
happy."
"So stay, Joseph," she pleaded, "stay!" She was holding her
head, and as she spoke she moved to the bathroom sink and dipped
her handkerchief in water and put the wet cloth over her forehead.
He loved her hands that had worked for him. He loved her face;
her now clumsy feet that foolishly stood there ready to leap for the
door. He loved her for the few extra dollars that she tried to give him.
And he found himself shaking with repulsion at her physical
nearness. He could not bear her hands upon him. He felt that her
flesh was ugly. Tenderly and bitterly he looked into her face.
"Mama, what have you made me do? Let us forget this terrible
day. But I must go, or there will be no change."
