THE LESSON
507
doing
this
as a lesson." He put on his jacket. She still thought that
he was bluffing. He had threatened thus many times and always he
had given in to her deep-suffering tears and screams.
"Stay here," she said, sensing suddenly that he really intended
leaving. "Take off your jacket. I only wanted you to eat. I can
spare the extra money-what do you eat on?"
"This time it sticks. This is a lesson. It means that you've got
to stop running around with money in your hands, pushing it into
mine; you mustn't give without my asking. I would ask. I was going
to ask on Wednesday. You force it and force it-as if I were a child;
can't you understand that I
mean
what I say? You've got to believe,
Mama, that I will be strong. I'll be here for supper in two days, but
if
you try any of that business with the money again I'm not coming
back." He walked to the door and opened it. She ran after
him.
"I'll yell in the hall," she said, seizing him by the arm. "I'll
yell in the hall
if
you walk out now. I will come to your room
tonight and make a scene."
"So what
if
you make a scene? I'm over age."
She pulled him hack toward the house. He wrenched free and
started down the stairs.
"Joseph," she yelled into the hall, "come back, or I will go down
to your room tonight!"
He came back into the house and she closed the door behind
him. "Ma, you're just making it worse. I'm not starving-! still have
some money-and
if
I were so desperately hungry I'd pick up any
job. I just want a chance to get one where I can respect myself."
"You're starving," she breathed in a low, husky voice, staring
into his eyes. "Look at your face, you're starving." Her voice was
compassionate and pleading. Her face was flushed, tragically and
tenderly drawn. He had to turn his head away.
"I'm not starving, Mama. Why can't it be an intelligent thing?
When I need money I'll ask you. Rely on me. I'm a man and I'm
strong. Why do you degrade me by these childish methods? You'd
make a hypocrite of me. The words have no meaning for you. I
argue with you .and say 'No, Ma, I don't want any money,' and
then you stick some in my pocket or in my bag and I've taken it
anyway; it's not clean. There is no dignity- "
"Dig-nity!))
With contempt and despair she almost sobbed the
word. "Stop it! Stop that word!" Her face was tired and sweating.
She barred the way to the door. "Dignity with your mother? Not
with your mother? Not with your mother!"
