THE CHILD IS THE MEANING
369
be the beginning and perhaps the end of whatever he was. And Jasper
himself knew now in himself that he looked at the adult world as
he had had to look at his mother, suspicious, rejected, ambitious to
win more than most human beings desired. What was the freedom to
which the adult human being rose in the morning,
if
each act was
held back or inspired by the overpowering ghost of a little child?
This freedom seemed to Jasper like the freedom, dangerous, dark,
and far-off, to become tlie father of new children without knowing
at all what would become of them, what kind of human beings they
would be.
As
he entered the hospital room, Jasper saw that his grand–
mother was exchanging witticisms with the old ladies who were pa–
tients. She was overwhelmed to see him and she began to cry while
Jasper felt a paralysis of face, so strong was the shock at how shrunken
and yellow his grandmother looked.
Ruth Hart introduced the grandson in whom she took so much
pride to the other old ladies, who seemed skeptical, for Jasper looked
youthful and he did not have the appearance of a successful lawyer.
"I am all right now," said Ruth to her grandson, when she had
recognized the fear on his face. "I am going to live for a long time."
Jasper sat by the bedside and held
his
grandmother's shrunken
hand, which had the look and the feel of a chicken's neck. He held
her hand as if this were a way of keeping her from departing from
his
life.
"Don't forget," said Jasper, "you are not supposed to die until
I make you a great-grandmother again."
"When will that be?" asked his grandmother, thinking that
perhaps Jasper had at last chosen a bride. "Make it soon,"
"I will bring some of the girls I know to see you," said Jasper,
"and you can tell me which one you like best."
"I must make myself pretty for them," said Ruth Hart, "you
must wait until I feel better."
"You are pretty enough as you are," said Jasper.
"I must show them what a fine grandmother you have," said
Ruth Hart.
"They don't have to like you," said Jasper, "you have to like
them. That's what I will tell them. You tell me which one is most
like you and I will marry her."
"She does not have to be like me," said Ruth, although she was
flattered, "she just has to be a good girl with some money, a good
rich girl and then you will be able
to
ha~e
children soon."
