36
PARTISAN RE::VIEW
not weak, he might perlorm some act of defiance, deliver a speech,
or call out for the entire world to hear. He would unconsciously assume
his
old posture, his left shoulder slightly raised, his head in profile,
his right arm drawn back.
"Awakened again last night. No jungle. News broadcast, piped into
my cell. Listened, about the resistance. Statistics, honest apparently–
they are not afraid or ashamed. Something like 400,000 political pris–
oners; 900,000 executed; 100,000 listed as missing. ·The resistance
smashed. Disobedience movement completely abandoned."
"Gave me a newspaper yesterday. Printed, apparently, here in the
prison. Same news as in the broadcast. Seems they are not lying. Tore
it up.
"They have techniques for breaking down the person. For making
him adopt their values, making him imitate. They have learned every–
thing, not a thing they don't know. But remain fools. Yet what of it?
The observation has lost point."
"Could it have been otherwise? I do not think so. I do not regret it.
We are right, absolutely. Sometimes think we will still win."
"Polarity, the whole of life. Woe to them who live fully."
"A proud day. Thought of B. M. the moderate, and prided myself.
B. M. with his running ear, and little hand pump to drain off the
serum ..."
"Am
haunted by the old man. Bapu, am I aping you?"
"He gives me no rest. I find sometimes that I curse him. Violently.
Sometimes am in a sweat and find I have been thinking of him. My
thoughts clearest when I think of him. Do not mind the hunger. Is it
tenth day? Lost track."
"Pulse seems a little weaker, occasional dizziness; passes after rest.
Water is nauseating, but great help. Must remain clear-headed, im–
portant to understand. No desire to turn to religion."
"A very clear day. Thought it through. Regret nothing. It's not a
religious impulse. ·I still have no faith, never will have. No fa,ith, but
fidelity. That, yes! Never recognized the distinction.
"Not the
existence
but the
insistence
of God."
"This is all effort of will. But do not mistrust wiii. It is necessary
because man weak. But will strong. Truth is, man by nature selfish and
evil, man has no love! Ideal never true. But we who know reality need
have no fear. We
will
to make it true. Bapu, I understand you.
