THE COLONY
33
"Last night there was roaring-as of lions and tigers. And I dis–
tinctly heard elephants trumpeting. Perhaps also a chattering of mon–
keys, but was not sure. I don't believe that the whole jungle goes roam–
ing over our grounds at night, so I was not terrified when I heard
human screams. But had a vivid picture of the beasts tearing men apart.
And yet, perhaps. . . . I would not put it past them. Could not fall
asleep again."
"They skipped a night, then last night went at it again. I awoke,
but did not trouble to identify the sounds. Something even more terrible,
I suppose. I was comforted and fell asleep promptly. It made me feel
the presence of other prisoners-surely they wouldn't put on the whole
show only for me. I have learned to cope with them-at least here–
and am proud of it. Will sleep soundly from now on.
"And yet to think of the planning that went into it! Power im–
proves the state's imagination-makes it more of a fool, but more of
a horror than ever. The trouble they went to, wiring the prison, installing
loudspeakers, recording wolves, lions, tigers, human screams! The poor
prisoners who know nothing of radio, lie in terror, waiting to be thrown
to the beasts. Or are already out of their minds.
"The state!
If
I regret anything it is that I was never more of an
anarchist."
"Last night, awoke in fear. It was not the 'jungle.' I had been
sleeping peacefully and it is that, I think, which awoke me. It was quiet
in the prison. I walked the floor, unable to think. But I knew what it
was, I understood, and if I had not been a coward I would have ad–
mitted it. 'What about it? What about it? What about it?' The question
kept running through my head, vulgar and threatening, as if spoken
by a cab driver demanding his fare. I felt a tremendous guilt. I should
have been able to throw myself under the wheels of a wagon to be
crushed, the way some of our people do at religious ceremonies.
"But why do I keep deluding myself, and putting it off, maintain–
ing my spirits, my hope, my blindness? Why do I refuse to recognize the
truth? They have power, and they do not hesitate to use it. They have
begun the oppression and they will see it through.
"It remains to be seen-no, it does not. Why should they not suc–
ceed? What force can stop them? Admit how it is. The prisons are
ful~;
each day the troops go through the bazaars and the native quarters, the
business districts and the country side, rounding up the comrades, jailing
them without trial, hanging them or shooting them without cause. Cause
enough! Or else they line up the innocent and the ignorant and the
backward in the city streets and charge them with bayonets-and make
our people look on. And then force us to light the funeral pyres, that
we may come to accept our guilt in the murder of the innocent.
"How blind we have all been! Bapu! I would hate him if I did
not hate myself!"
He could not say when he actually resolved to fast. In the past
