IN PRISON
9
my vision of the outside world to be miraculously changed when I
firsthear my cell door locked behind me, and I step to the window
to take my first look out.
I shall manage to look just a little different in my uniform from
the rest of the prisoners. I shall leave the top button of the shirt un-
done, or roll the long sleeves half-way between wrist and elbow,-
something just a little casual, a little Byronic. On the other hand, if
that is already the general tone in the prison, I shall affect a severe,
mechanical neatness. My carriage and facial expression will be in-
lIuenced by the same motive. There is, however, no insincerity in
any of this; it is my conception of my role in prison life. It is entirely
a different thing from being a "rebel" outside the prison; it is to be
unconventional, rebellious perhaps, but in shades and shadows.
By means of these beginnings, these slight differences, and the
appeal (do not think I am boasting here, or over-estimating the power
of details, because I have seen it work over and over again) of my
carefully subdued, reserved manner, I shall attract to myself one
intimate friend, whom I shall influence deeply. This friend, already
an importaht member of the prison society, will be of great assistance
to me in establishing myself as an authority, recognized but unof-
ficial,on the conduct of prison life. It will take years before I become
an
influence,
and possibly,-and this is ~hat I dare to hope for, to
find the prison in such a period of its evolution that it will be un-
avoidableto be thought of as an
evil influence ....
Perhaps they will
laughat me, as they laughed at the Vicar of Wakefield; but of course,
just at first, I should like nothing better!
Many years ago I discovered that I could "succeed" in one place,
but not in all places, and never, never could I succeed "at large." In
the world, for example, I am very much under the influence of dress,
absurd as that may be. But in a place where all dress alike I have
the gift of being able to develop a "style" of my own, something
that is even admired and imitated by others. The longer my sentence,
although I constantly find myself thinking of it as a life-sentence, the
moreslowly shall I go about establishing myself, and the more certain
aremy chances of success. Ridiculous as it sounds, and is, I am looking
forward to directing the prison dramatic association, or being on the
base-ballteam!
But in the same way that I was led to protest against the am-
biguityof the position of those prisoners who were in and out of prison
at the same time (I have even seen their wives washing their striped
trousersand hanging them on the line!) I should bitterly object to any
changeor break in my way of life. If, for example, I should become
illand have to go to the prison infirmary, or if shortly after my arrival
