never think about such things, it makes me uneasy."
"In what way?"
She laughed.
"I don't know, in my stomach."
Albert shifted away, remembering Elizabeth.
He
would never get her back, he thought:
their love
affair was over. He- smiled ironically and said, "O.K.,
baby."
The girl sang a popular song. She slipped her
warm hand casually into his. Sitting there smelling
the flowers, resting his arm on the girl's leg, Albert
thought it was pretty fine. Maybe tonight she would
give in. It was dark, the street light came on, and
he said, "Let's go out in the back yard."
"I can't tonight."
""Vhy not?" he complained.
"We're going over to my brother's." Looking in
his eyes, she said, "Don't be mad,Albert,
we'll go
there tomorrow."
"All right," Albert answered.
He sat forward in
the swing, restless and absent-minded.
Finally he
said, "See you later," and left, walking toward town.
Albert sauntered down towards the poolroom.
Jim Morgan,
Bud Hays and Sid Parker were
playing a game of snooker. They got into the next
game. Bud won twice in a row, it took too much
skill for Albert and he was nervous. He was fourth
and then fifth. At last he said, "It's too god damn
hot to play pool, let's go drink some beer."
Spread across the sidewalk they strolled north,
speaking rudely to the girls, telling dirty jokes, and
talking about jobs. Bud took the lead, swaggering.
He gave his trick laugh as they passed the drug-
store. At Kamm's the others followed him single-file
through the crowd to the last table.
A new fellow from Frankville came up and spoke
to Jim. Jim introduced him and the four of them
drank a round together.
"Work at the Corp?" Sid
asked him.
"When I work," the other laughed. "We got laid
off today till July first."
Jim and his friend went up in front with a silly
gang who were kidding the singers, trying to make
dates with them. Albert and Sid drank another beer.
Sid talked morosely, a surly look on his brown face.
"What
in hell's ahead of us?" he asked. "If we
could get out of this god damned town and start
fresh, then we might have a chance. But what chance
have we got in this town where we grew up and
everybody's sick of seeing our faces?"
Albert felt better-he
was getting a little tight.
He began to talk about Elizabeth,
calling her "a
woman I knew." Jim came back with a spiked coke
in his hand and ann.ounced that those other two sons
of bitches had left. Logan the three-card-monte art-
ist sat at their table and shuffled the cards, but Sid
told him "No dice" and he went away. A young
blonde girl, staggering toward the woman's room,
knocked a glass on the floor. It broke, and Nick the
waiter came over and told the high-school girls to
PARTISAN
REVIEW
quiet down or get out. One of the entertainers
played the accordion and the other one sang
Star-
dust.
Pretty soon they had run out of money, and the
party broke up. Albert and Jim walked home to-
gether, saying nothing. Albert noticed that Jim was
wearing the same suit he had four years ag9, patched
in 'the seat of the pants. Holding his skinny head
defiantly back, Jim sang a tune, hoarsely and without
feeling.
At the corner they stood awkwardly,
hesitating
whether to go home or not. At last Jim said, "Re-
member when we used to go out to Aunt Kate's for
sugar alky every Sunday afternoon? I was sixteen."
He stared vacantly into the dark, shook his head
and remarked sadly, "Them were the days
I"
Turn-
ing away, he called back: "Fight 'em
I"
"So long," Albert said, and went down the street.
In front of the house he stopped. There was a light
in Leota's bedroom. He crossed and knocked on the
window. She was getting ready for bed, wearing a
pink negligee. Seeing him, she formed the words:
"Go to the door."
In the doorway he put his arms around her and
they began kissing. After a while he pulled her onto
the porch. "Let's go out in back."
"N
0,
I'll catch cold," she said, smiling.
"You
bad boy."
They went into the back yard and lay on a piece
of :;.a-;-;vas.The girl didn't resist very much. When
they had finished, she began to cry.
"What's the matter?" Albert said.
"Nothing.
I think I love you."
They said goodnight and Albert went home. He
pulled his mother's door carefully shut, walked
softly into the front room, and sat at the desk. For
a long time he sat thinking. Then he began to write
a letter to Elizabeth.
"Dearest," he wrote. "Well, here is another mes-
sage from hell. Sorry to keep reminding you of my
useless existence, but the impulse strikes me and as
you know too well I was never one for stifling the
impulse. So we
on
throw this too in the pot and
see what comes
O:.lt.
"The worst of it is
l::~::
I hate this sort of thing.
Here am I, a modern man, who does not believe in
god, the soul, marriage or even love. \Ve know that
man is man, woman is woman, and sex is an animal
need. My conduct is unthinkable in one of the en-
lightened era, who has read Freud and Havelock
Ellis.
"It's ironical-what
I want to do is to think and
talk in scientific terms, read the newspapers,
study
psychology and political writings-and
instead I
keep thinking about you-"
Albert tore the letter up and threw the pieces
into the wastebasket.
Turning out the light, he stood
in front of the window and stared at Leota in her
room. A train whistled. He heard the clock ticking.
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