Oh, The Places My Life Coach Led Me!
I am often asked, “What’s your secret for working full-time, raising three children, and pursuing your doctoral degree?” I simply utter my scripted answer: “only by the grace of God.” In truth, though faith in God is my constant companion, grief led the leap into this journey.
In November 2018, my dad suggested that I consider going back to school for a doctoral degree. He came from our home in Benin, West Africa to visit me and my family in Boston. A retired university professor, my dad held education sacred and advocated for it any chance he got. I looked at my children (then aged three, eight, and nine), and told myself it was impossible. I was barely managing my full-time job and my household.
Yet, I didn’t want to disappoint him, and I knew he would follow-up in time. My plan was simple: submit one application and keep my obedient daughter status. If I don’t get in, it’s not my fault, I told myself. It took me a year to find and apply to the right program, the Doctor of Public Health Program at the Boston University (BU) School of Public Health. I hit the “submit” button in November 2019, days before we flew to Benin for the holidays. Should Dad ask, I had a good answer. A month later, I was still in Benin when I was invited to schedule my interview. As we said goodbye on Cotonou Beach on New Year’s Day 2020, a quiet inside voice ventured: “What if it’s the last time that you see him?” I hugged him tightly and uttered “I love you, Dad,” for good measure. Without missing a beat, he responded in kind. Yet, we don’t say these words often.
Back in Boston, I progressed from the interview day to acceptance with a scholarship. I made the cut. I knew my dad was right, but I couldn’t see how I would juggle all this. My husband lost his job days after I received my acceptance letter, as we entered global confinement. The new financial stress put an end to my dilemma. I knew what decision to make. I was ready to simply decline, but a supportive mentor from work told me to ask for deferment instead. I deferred my admission for one year, with the risk of losing my scholarship.
Remember the phrase when it rains, it pours? Well, the COVID-19 pandemic reigned supreme, wreaking havoc in my life. Schools closed and like many parents, I had to help my children with virtual schooling, while learning to work remotely myself. In July 2020, my family and I got news from Benin that my father got hospitalized with respiratory problems. The health center where he was first admitted was not equipped with ventilators. He spent over eight hours without oxygen before being transferred, and soon slipped into a coma.
My dad passed away just a week later, on his 79th birthday. With so many COVID-19 precautions in place, his body was never released to my family but buried by the state mere hours after his death. Travel restrictions meant that I was stuck in Boston, unable to pay my last respect to the most influential person in my life. My world was shattered. So were millions of families’ around the globe. Yet, I felt alone in my grief.
Six months later, BU reached out to remind me that my deferment was coming to an end. I was once again at a decision point. Not knowing how I could make it work, I followed my dad’s guidance to honor him, and enrolled. Three years later, I have completed my doctoral coursework, passed my qualifying exam, joined the school’s Emerging Women Leaders Program, and was even awarded my first research grant.
As I look back, I am grateful for my dad. His faith in me gave me the courage to try what I thought to be impossible. Honoring him led me to finding my calling in public health dissemination and setting an example for my children. Who is that person in your life? Where are you headed or what have you accomplished because of them?
