“Sorry for Your Loss” … and Other Awkward Things We Say

Aanya Chauhan

Instructor’s Introduction

Just three months after the sudden loss of her mother, senior Aanya Chauhan delivered a deeply moving TED-style talk on how to support someone who is grieving. That she found the composure to speak so eloquently about grief is remarkable in itself. Even more striking, however, was the effect of her words: In their final reflections, many students described the talk as transformative, noting that they had never known– or fully considered– how to respond to a person in mourning.

From an instructional standpoint, Aanya’s talk powerfully illustrates the value of personal experience as evidence. Students are often trained to suppress their subjectivity in academic settings, yet no amount of external research could rival the immediacy and authority of the three months she had spent grappling with loss. In my twenty years of teaching writing and public speaking at Boston University, no student work has had a more profound impact on its audience.

Marisa Milanese

From the Writer

Losing my mum unexpectedly just two days before I was meant to return for my final semester of college reshaped my understanding of both grief and support. In the months that followed, I found myself mourning not only her absence, but the moments she would never witness, like hearing her voice, full of pride, as I walked across the stage at graduation. What stayed with me most, however, was not what people said, but how they showed up: bringing food so my dad and I wouldn’t have to think about meals, or simply being there, day after day, long after the initial loss.

This speech grew out of those experiences. I wanted to reflect on what it actually looks like to support someone in grief, especially when words feel insufficient. While these insights come from my own experience, they are meant as a starting point for those who may feel unsure of how to help. Grief does not follow a single path, but the act of showing up consistently and without expectation can make a meaningful difference.

For those who are grieving, I hope this piece also serves as a reminder that there is no correct way to navigate loss. However your grief unfolds, it is valid. If these words offer even a small sense of comfort or clarity, then this work has done what I intended.

“Sorry for Your Loss” … and Other Awkward Things We Say (Ted Talk)

“Sorry for Your Loss” … and Other Awkward Things We Say

Aanya Chauhan is a 2025 graduate of Boston University’s College of Arts & Sciences, where she earned a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology with a minor in Business Administration & Management. Originally from the Bay Area in California, she moved to Boston for college and now resides in Chicago, where she works in the wealth management industry. She plans to apply to law school this year and begin her legal studies in Fall 2027. She would like to thank her WR 318 professor, Marisa Milanese, for her guidance and for nominating this work for publication in The Deerfield Journal and the W.W. Norton Student Speaker Prize. Aanya also dedicates this piece to her mum, whose memory continues to shape and inspire her.