Beyond Bereavement: Understanding the Long-Term Impacts of Spousal Loss on the Mental Health of Octogenarians and Beyond 

Sophia Pomposelli

Instructor’s Introduction

In WR151 Sociological Perspectives on Aging and Health in the United States, we use a sociological lens to explore the challenges and opportunities arising from America’s rapidly growing population of older adults.

The research paper, which serves as a culminating project, requires students to investigate a specific issue tying aging to health in the American context. Students conduct an in-depth interview with one of three possible subjects—an older adult (65+), a geriatrician, or a nurse in long-term care—and integrate these firsthand accounts with sociological theory and scholarly research. The goal is to illuminate the realities of aging through personal narratives, while honing the ability to synthesize existing research, analyze qualitative data, and contribute fresh perspectives to discussions on aging and health.

Sophia’s paper exemplifies this assignment’s core objectives by focusing on the lived experience of a 95-year-old widow (“Connie”) who recounts her mental health journey and adaptive strategies after losing her spouse. Drawing on both an in-depth interview and scholarly research, Sophia highlights how loneliness, anxiety, and disrupted daily routines can challenge older widows, yet also how social networks, faith, and purposeful activities can foster resilience. Although based on a single-participant design, this paper offers a valuable perspective on how social connectedness, community support, and intergenerational ties can sustain mental well-being among the oldest-old, and underscores the need for more targeted resources for late-life widows and widowers.

Stuti Das

From the Writer

Being raised primarily by my grandparents, I have always felt a deep connection to elder issues and I have long been passionate about advocating for the well-being of older adults. This project, in particular, was inspired by my grandfather, who at the age of 99 lost his wife. Witnessing his grief, I became acutely aware of how essential social connection is for emotional resilience in old age, especially during periods of loss. As I began to explore existing research, I was surprised to find how little attention has been given to individuals over the age of 80 experiencing widowhood. Given that this is one of the fastest-growing age demographics in the world, the lack of focused research felt like a significant gap. I dedicated this project to understanding the unique mental health impacts of spousal loss in this often overlooked population. Through my research, I hope to not only highlight the emotional and psychological needs of the elderly but also to advocate for more holistic models of elder care that recognize the importance of community, connection, and continued support throughout all stages of aging. 

Beyond Bereavement: Understanding the Long-Term Impacts of Spousal Loss on the Mental Health of Octogenarians and Beyond 

American women born in 2021 are expected to live 81.4 years, while American men born in the same year are expected to live 76.3 years1. Statistically, American women will be  widowed for over five years of their lives, approximately two of which they will be octogenarians. Despite this increasing demographic of people, there has been little research on the mental health of widowed octogenarians specifically. The majority of existing research focuses on younger elderly adults: adults aged 65 to 75. A literature review of studies of mental health succeeding spousal loss found that spousal loss was linked to high rates of depression and anxiety in addition to negative physical health symptoms, regardless of forewarning or social support2. Studies have also found that extensive social support can marginally mitigate negative mental health symptoms, with cohabitation with social support systems proving to be the most effective means to mitigate negative mental and physical health symptoms3. Deepening societal understanding of bereavement of the spouse is necessary for both the field of medicine and psychology; understanding the grieving process for older adults can potentially extend life expectancy, decrease negative physical and mental health symptoms, and promote positive health among the age group4. 

Research Questions 

This study attempts to contribute to the studies of spousal bereavement by focusing on elders who are octogenarians and beyond. This study attempts to answer the questions, 1) What is the effect of spousal loss on the mental health of octogenarians? 2) How do older adults perceive the role of social support in mitigating some of the adverse mental health effects of spousal loss in later life? 

Methodology 

An in depth interview was conducted with a nonagenarian female participant given the pseudonym, Connie was selected due to her remarkable physical and mental health following the death of her husband in 2000. The purpose of utilizing this data collection style was to explore the complex phenomena of spousal loss through rich data provided in a first hand account. Connie, a 95 year old woman from New York State, was asked to verbally consent to participation. She verbally confirmed that her age, first name, and all other information she provided regarding herself and her late husband could be used in the study. The questions she was asked pertained to how Connie met her husband, how long they were married, and the quality of their relationship. She was also asked about how her husband passed away, her feelings about it, the adjustment to widowhood, her mental health after the loss and any resources she used, the role of social support in grieving, and to generally reflect on the experience. 

Literature Review 

Literature on spousal bereavement finds that negative mental health symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are commonly observed in elderly populations after spousal loss5. “Psychological Adjustment to Sudden and Anticipated Spousal Loss among Older Widowed Persons.” by Deborah Carr et al. found that negative mental health symptoms remained constant regardless of if the surviving spouse was forewarned about the death or not6. In addition, Carr et al. found an influx of negative physical symptoms, such as immobility and degenerative brain disorders such as dementia after spousal loss regardless of forewarning7. These results are echoed by “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death.” authored by Yu-Chan Hung et al. who found that the physical health of the surviving spouse took a similarly drastic decline compared to mental health in the months following the death8. The researchers found that the only mitigating factor was intense social support, which only improved mental and physical health symptoms marginally9. The researchers also report that these findings become more exaggerated with time10. 

Other researchers report that social support can have a drastic impact on the grieving process. “Community-Dwelling and Recently Widowed Older Adults: Effects of Spousal Loss on Psychological Well-Being, Perceived Quality of Life, and Health-Care Costs.” by L. C. van Boekel et al. reports that elders who chose to cohabitate with their social support systems after the death of their spouse reported better mental and physical health outcomes compared to those that chose to remain living independently11. “The Meaning of Bereavement Following Spousal Loss: A Qualitative Study of the Experiences of Older Adults” by Anne Lise Holm et al. provides a potential explanation for this phenomenon: widowed elders report having the most trouble with asking for increased social support after the loss of their spouse due to feeling like a burden on the community12. It can be inferred that by cohabitating with their social support systems, elders may feel a stronger sense of connection to their community, allowing them to better ask for and utilize their support systems.

Results 

The transitions from married life to widowed life can have profound impacts on one’s mental health and overall well-being. In this study, the experiences of individuals navigating this significant life change, focusing on the challenges they face, the coping mechanisms they employ, and the role of social support in their grieving process is explored. The interview was transcribed and the transcript was closely analyzed to identify and highlight several emergent themes. Through the narrative of the chosen participant, the emotional journey of adjusting to solitary living, grappling with feelings of grief and loneliness, and seeking avenues for support and healing are discussed in depth. Additionally, reflections on the grieving process and insights gained that may inform support strategies for those who find themselves in similar circumstances are examined. Through this account, an attempt is made to shed light on the multifaceted nature of bereavement and highlight the importance of understanding and addressing the mental health needs of individuals transitioning from married to widowed life.

I. The Mental Health Implications of Transitioning from Married Life to Widowed Life

Adjusting to solitary living after decades of cohabitation demands significant adaptations, potentially impacting one’s mental health. Connie highlighted the significance of the adjustment to solitary living after cohabitating with her husband for 50 years.

“…it was really lonely. Obviously all my children were all grown and out of the house so I was alone in the house for the first time in my life. It was a big adjustment–getting used to the empty house. It was a really…really big adjustment.” 

In addition, daily rituals such as meal-times can become painful reminders of loss, potentially impacting mental health when experienced long term. Connie emphasized how mealtimes deepened feelings of grief and loneliness. 

“It was horrible eating alone…I wasn’t used to eating all my meals alone.” 

It should be noted that octogenarians tend to hold a stigma surrounding mental health as well as mental health treatment. This can lead to the underutilization of mental health resources when the octogenarian is experiencing poor mental health. Connie acknowledged that she never utilized mental health services such as psychologists, psychiatrists, or grief counseling, however she did report feeling symptoms that could be indicative of a depressive disorder and or an anxiety disorder. 

“…in the beginning I was very resentful. I think I was so hopeless and upset it turned into anger. I would say I was even angry at God…” 

“[Living alone,] I was always worried something would happen to me and nobody would know.”

While some octogenarians require mental health treatment to heal, others prefer allowing time to pass, causing negative feelings to ease on their own. Connie revealed that these feelings of hopelessness, grief, and worry lessened with time. 

“Time was helpful…as time went on, you know, I thought well everybody has to die, and I was grateful he at least lived for 75 years. I worked hard to make the adjustment.”

II. The Role of Social Support and Activity After Spousal Loss

Social support is theorized to ease feelings of grief and bereavement after spousal loss. Connie strongly emphasized the positive implications of social support immediately after losing her husband. 

“Women that I would go to lunch with, and my three children were the most important.…my family would try to be cheerful when they came and be helpful. It was very helpful just to be with them. Just to be with them. They were most helpful.” 

Community and non-familial relationships surrounding a common interest can be monumental for easing the pain of grief. Connie discussed joining social clubs and local ethnicity-centered communities for social support after the loss of her spouse. 

“…I joined a couple of things that I had never joined before. Like uhh, the American Legion, the Women’s Division. I joined the Italian-American club. I-I kept myself busy as much as I could.”

Religiosity can provide feelings of hopefulness, support and purpose throughout the grieving process. Connie highlighted the positive implications of joining a local bereavement group through her church. Connie stressed the helpfulness of religiosity throughout the grieving process. 

“…I did go to a bereavement group that my church held. That was kind of therapeutic. They would ask you how you felt at the time. In a sense I guess it was therapeutic…My church helped a lot.” 

Intergenerational relationships can provide new perspectives, resources, and support to elderly persons experiencing spousal loss. Connie found that surrounding herself with younger adults and children provided her with comfort and hope while grieving. 

“…your grandfather and grandmother would pick me up and very often we came out to your house and I babysat you. It was fun! We babysat you!…That was very comforting because I was with family, and with young people. I was with my brother, my sister in law, my niece, my nephew, you. You know that was a wonderful time! That made me very umm, that made me very happy. I was surrounded by family. That was, that was good. That was good.” 

III. Reflection on the Grieving Process 

Self reflection can be a powerful medium to contemplate obtained wisdom, and impart that wisdom on others. In this reflective exercise, Connie was asked to reflect on her grieving process and to use her current knowledge on grief to provide advice for a hypothetical grieving widow. Her advice was as follows: 

“…I would say to handle it one day at a time…To have faith like in God, and to feel like you’re not alone. To ask God to help relieve your pain, and help you get through it…and to stay alert and if you were working, keep working. Get a job, get out of the house. Get out of the house! Don’t stay in all day. That’s not good.” 

Overall, Connie highlighted the importance of staying active and having a diverse social support network in order to cope with grief. By engaging with friends, family and church members, as well as the experiencing a sense of belonging fostered by joining social clubs and bereavement groups, Connie indicated that negative mental health symptoms seemed to be mitigated. These diverse connections not only provide emotional support, but also offer opportunities for distraction, recreation, and personal growth, helping individuals navigate the challenges of grief with resilience and a sense of community. 

Discussion 

This study contributes to the growing body of literature exploring the psychological ramifications of spousal loss among elderly populations. By focusing specifically on octogenarians and older individuals, this research addresses a significant gap in existing literature; existing literature predominantly centers on younger elderly adults aged 65 to 75. Through an in-depth interview with Connie, a nonagenarian long-term widow, this study elucidates the nuanced experiences of elderly adults navigating the complexities of grief and loss in old age.

One of the key findings of this study pertains to the profound challenge of transitioning from married life to widowed life after decades of happy companionship. Connie’s account underscores the pervasive sense of loneliness and feelings of grief experienced by many elderly widows and widowers following the death of their spouse. Specifically mealtimes, a previously daily shared ritual, become a poignant reminder of loss and sorrow, highlighting the profound impact of spousal bereavement on daily routines and mundane activities. Despite these initial struggles, Connie exemplifies resilience, adaptability, and an incredibly positive attitude, gradually finding solace with the passage of time. 

Connie’s narrative sheds light on the multifaceted nature of grief and its potential mental health implications among older adults. While she did not seek out formal mental health services during her grieving period, she candidly acknowledges experiencing symptoms suggestive of depression and anxiety in the aftermath of her husband’s death. This highlights the need for targeted and accessible mental health support tailored to the unique needs and social norms of elderly widows and widowers. 

A central theme that emerged from Connie’s account of grief is the pivotal role of social support in mitigating the adverse effects of spousal loss. Family, friends and community networks played a vital role in providing emotional comfort and practical assistance during her grieving process. Connie’s outstanding active engagement in social activities and participation in bereavement groups underscore the therapeutic value of social connection and community in navigating grief and fostering resilience among older adults. 

Furthermore, Connie’s emphasis on religiosity as a source of strength and comfort highlights the diverse coping mechanisms employed by elderly individuals facing loss. Her involvement in religious communities served as pillars of support, offering solace and a sense of purpose during a period of profound loss and self-reported hopelessness. In addition, the intergenerational support network described by Connie characterized by interactions with younger family members signifies the importance of maintaining meaningful connections across different age groups. These interactions not only provided comfort, but also served as sources of joy, rejuvenation and belonging amidst loss. 

In reflecting on her own journey of grief, Connie offers advice to a hypothetical widow grappling with spousal loss. Her emphasis on taking each day as it comes, maintaining faith, seeking social engagement, and staying physically active underscores the importance of resilience, self care, mindfulness, and community support in navigating the grief process. 

While Connie provided many valuable insights regarding spousal loss and grief, this study has a few limitations that warrant consideration. This study is based on a single case study, limiting the generalizability of the results to broader populations of elderly widows and widowers. The experiences of Connie may not fully capture the diversity of responses and coping mechanisms observed among elderly widows and widowers. Additionally, the reliance on retrospective self-reporting enables the possibility of recall bias, as Connie may selectively remember or interpret past events. Furthermore, this study lacks quantitative data to complement the qualitative findings, limiting the depth of analysis and the ability to draw statistically significant conclusions. Future research should address these limitations by employing larger sample sizes, utilizing mixed-method research methods, and considering alternative data collection methods to enhance the rigor and validity of these findings. 

Despite these limitations, this research both supports and complements the existing literature; specifically, this research supports the study, “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death.” authored by Yu-Chan Hung et al. which states that intense social support and community networks are the most impactful system for mitigating the negative mental health effects of spousal loss in elderly populations. This research also complements the study, “Community-Dwelling and Recently Widowed Older Adults: Effects of Spousal Loss on Psychological Well-Being, Perceived Quality of Life, and Health-Care Costs.” by L. C. van Boekel et al. which explores how intergenerational living can drastically improve the grieving process of elderly widows and widowers. 

Conclusion 

In conclusion, this study provides valuable insights into the long term impacts of spousal loss on the mental health of octogenarians and beyond. Through the narrative of Connie , a nonagenarian widow, a deeper understanding of the psychological adjustment, coping mechanisms, and resilience exhibited by elderly individuals facing profound loss is gained. The findings of this study highlight the multifaceted and complex nature of grief as well as the importance of tailored interventions and holistic approaches to supporting elderly widows and widowers. By utilizing the role of social support, religiosity, and intergenerational connections in promoting mental well-being among older adults, this research highlights the need for targeted interventions aimed at enhancing the quality of life and mental health outcomes of elderly individuals experiencing spousal bereavement. 

Moving forward, further research is warranted to explore effective support strategies and interventions that address the unique needs of elderly widows and widowers, particularly in the context of later life. By fostering a deeper understanding of the complexities of grief and loss in older populations, better informed policies and practices aimed at promoting the well-being and resilience of elderly individuals facing spousal bereavement can be implemented.

Notes

1. “FastStats – Life Expectancy.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, February 7, 2023. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/life-expectancy.htm.

2. Carr, Deborah, James S. House, Camille Wortman, Randolph Nesse, and Ronald C. Kessler. “Psychological Adjustment to Sudden and Anticipated Spousal Loss among Older Widowed Persons.” OUP Academic, July 1, 2001. https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/56/4/S237/566982. 

3. Boekel, L C van, J C M Cloin, and K G Luijkx. “Community-Dwelling and Recently Widowed Older Adults: Effects of Spousal Loss on Psychological Well-Being, Perceived Quality of Life, and Health-Care Costs.” International journal of aging & human development, January 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7711306/.

4. The meaning of bereavement following spousal loss. Accessed February 26, 2024. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2158244019894273. 

5. Carr, Deborah, James S. House, Camille Wortman, Randolph Nesse, and Ronald C. Kessler. “Psychological Adjustment to Sudden and Anticipated Spousal Loss among Older Widowed Persons.” OUP Academic, July 1, 2001. https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/56/4/S237/566982.

6. Carr, Deborah, James S. House, Camille Wortman, Randolph Nesse, and Ronald C. Kessler. “Psychological Adjustment to Sudden and Anticipated Spousal Loss among Older Widowed Persons.” OUP Academic, July 1, 2001. https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/56/4/S237/566982. 

7. Carr, Deborah, James S. House, Camille Wortman, Randolph Nesse, and Ronald C. Kessler. “Psychological Adjustment to Sudden and Anticipated Spousal Loss among Older Widowed Persons.” OUP Academic, July 1, 2001. https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/56/4/S237/566982. 

8. Hung, Yu-Chan, Yong-Hsin Chen, Meng-Chih Lee, and Chih-Jung Yeh. “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death.” Int J Environ Res Public Health, December 10, 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8700949/.

9. Hung, Yu-Chan, Yong-Hsin Chen, Meng-Chih Lee, and Chih-Jung Yeh. “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death.” Int J Environ Res Public Health, December 10, 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8700949/. 

10. Hung, Yu-Chan, Yong-Hsin Chen, Meng-Chih Lee, and Chih-Jung Yeh. “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death.” Int J Environ Res Public Health, December 10, 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8700949/. 

11. Boekel, L C van, J C M Cloin, and K G Luijkx. “Community-Dwelling and Recently Widowed Older Adults: Effects of Spousal Loss on Psychological Well-Being, Perceived Quality of Life, and Health-Care Costs.” International journal of aging & human development, January 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7711306/. 

12. Boekel, L C van, J C M Cloin, and K G Luijkx. “Community-Dwelling and Recently Widowed Older Adults: Effects of Spousal Loss on Psychological Well-Being, Perceived Quality of Life, and Health-Care Costs.” International journal of aging & human development, January 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7711306/. 

Works Cited

Boekel, L C van, J C M Cloin, and K G Luijkx. “Community-Dwelling and Recently Widowed Older Adults: Effects of Spousal Loss on Psychological Well-Being, Perceived Quality of Life, and Health-Care Costs.” International journal of aging & human development, January 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7711306/. 

Carr, Deborah, James S. House, Camille Wortman, Randolph Nesse, and Ronald C. Kessler. “Psychological Adjustment to Sudden and Anticipated Spousal Loss among Older Widowed Persons.” OUP Academic, July 1, 2001. https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/56/4/S237/566982. 

“FastStats – Life Expectancy.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, February 7, 2023. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/life-expectancy.htm. 

Hung, Yu-Chan, Yong-Hsin Chen, Meng-Chih Lee, and Chih-Jung Yeh. “Effect of Spousal Loss on Depression in Older Adults: Impacts of Time Passing, Living Arrangement, and Spouse’s Health Status before Death.” Int J Environ Res Public Health, December 10, 2021. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8700949/. 

The meaning of bereavement following spousal loss. Accessed February 26, 2024. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2158244019894273. 

Miriam Holman V HHS (final complaint 11 19 17). Accessed March 22, 2024. https://optn.transplant.hrsa.gov/media/2394/plaintiff_request_for_tro_20171119.pdf.

Appendix 

INTRODUCTION 

Before we get started, I want to inform you that this conversation is being recorded on my iPad. This interview is completely confidential, I am recording in lieu of taking notes. Nobody other than myself and my professor will see the transcript. Does that sound okay? 

Ok honey. 

Good! Thank you so much for making time for me today! I’m going to share a bit about what we’re doing, the questions I’ll be asking, and then you can ask me any questions you might have. Is that alright? 

Yes, that’s okay. 

So what I’m doing today is a project for a class I am taking on aging in the United States. My final paper for this class is centered around an interview I conducted with an elderly individual or a scientist who specializes in aging. You are obviously my lovely elderly individual I will be interviewing! Thank you again for being here. The topic I am researching is the effects of mental health after spousal loss– 

What, what, wait. Mental health after what?

After losing your spouse. 

Oh, after losing your spouse. Okay. Okay. 

Yes, so basically I’m going to be asking you how you coped with losing Uncle Bobby, how you’ve continued to stay healthy while living alone, how friends and family played into the coping process, and other questions along those lines. Does that sound okay to you? 

Yes, I’ll do the best I can for you. 

You’re already doing amazing, thank you! 

You’re welcome. 

And then–what? 

How long will this take? How many questions? 

Umm, it’s only 6ish questions. It should only be about 20ish minutes. 

Oh, that’s okay. That’s fine. Okay I’m ready! 

Perfect! And would you like me to mail you a copy of the paper?

Uhh, if you’d like. It’s not totally necessary but if you’d like to email me the paper, that’s okay. 

Okay! I was gonna say. It’s just because you’re in it. I just wanted to offer. Umm okay. That covers the basics. Do you have any questions for me before I ask you demographic questions and then questions on the topic. 

No! I don’t have anything to ask you. Whatever you ask me, I will answer it as honestly as I can. 

Thank you so much! And one more time, can you confirm that you’re okay with proceeding with the interview, that you understand how your information will be used, and that you’re comfortable with us recording our conversation? 

Yes I am. 

Thank you. I’m gonna start asking you questions you would get at the DMV. They’re demographic questions. Obviously I know a lot of this information already, but I have to get you saying it on recording. 

DEMOGRAPHIC QUESTIONS 

Umm so first, how old are you?

Okay, and what is your gender? 

Female. 

Okay, good. Umm so which of the following do you feel best represents your race – White; Black or African American; American Indian or Alaska Native; Asian; Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander; Other? 

White. 

Do you identify as Hispanic or Latina? 

No, I don’t. 

Which country were you born in? 

United States. 

What is your highest level of education? 

High school.

What did you do for work before you retired? 

I worked at a school for emotionally disturbed [children] as a teacher assistant. Okay, I didn’t know that! That’s really cool! 

Yeah! In Yonkers. 

How would you describe your marital status? 

I’m a widow. 

And how many children do you have? 

Three. 

Thank you so much. That’s it for demographic questions. Now I’m going to ask you about Uncle Bobby. Is that okay? 

Yes that is. 

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS

First, I would like to know about your relationship with Uncle Bobby. How did you meet? How long were you together? 

I was uhh 17 years old when I met him. In my own home. He was my brother’s friend and I met him in my own home because they were discussing baseball right after WWII. I was 21 when I got married and I had my three children at 23, 24 and 25. Teresa, Roberto Jr. and Eva, you know them! They’re all 15 months apart. 

Yes! I love them! They’re wonderful. 

Yes! 

And how would you say your marriage was? 

We had a very happy marriage. We were married for a long time. He was 75 when he died and I was 71. We had over 50 happy years together. 

Thank you so much for sharing that. Uncle Bobby was a good man. My next few questions are going to be about the grieving process you experienced after he passed away. Is that okay? 

Yes, that is okay. Ask anything you need for your paper!

What was life like immediately after he passed away? How were you feeling? What was the adjustment like? 

Well it was really lonely. Obviously all my children were all grown and out of the house so I was alone in the house for the first time in my life. It was a big adjustment–getting used to the empty house. I would get very nervous being old and alone in my house. I was always worried something would happen to me and nobody would know. It was a really…really big adjustment. 

I’m sure it was. I’m so sorry for your loss. 

Oh, it’s already honey. It’s been a long time. 

Who would you say were the people who helped you most while you were grieving Uncle Bobby’s loss? 

My children, mostly. A couple close friends and family. Your grandmother and grandfather, and your parents, and everyone else [in the family]. My church also. My church helped a lot. 

Good! Good. Thank you so much. What did your church and your three children do to help you umm grieve? 

Well they would come over and take me out for lunch, and talk to me, and uhh just give me support that way, and like have me over for dinner and take me out for the day. That kind of stuff. It was horrible eating alone…I wasn’t used to eating all my meals alone. And uhh you know…my family would try to be cheerful when they came and be helpful. It was very helpful just to be with them. Just to be with them. They were most helpful. 

That’s great. Thank you so much for sharing. That’s wonderful; we’re halfway through. Okay honey, keep on! [in Italian] go ahead! This is perfectly alright. 

[in Italian] Thank you, thank you! You’re doing absolutely amazing so far. [in English] So my next question is did you ever go to a therapist or a psychologist after Uncle Bobby passed away. 

Umm, no. No, I didn’t, but I did go to a bereavement group that my church held. That was kind of therapeutic. They would ask you how you felt at the time. In a sense I guess it was therapeutic, but I never went to a therapist per say, no. 

Okay. So you were never diagnosed with like a mental health condition or anything. You mean, was I crazy? No. 

No! I’m not asking if you’re crazy! No. [laughs] I mean like uhh do you feel that maybe you got depressed or anxious umm just with the adjustment and it went away over time, or anything like that.

Well umm time was helpful. I would say that as time passed and uhh what I did was I joined a couple of things that I had never joined before. Like uhh, the American Legion, the Women’s Division. I joined the Italian-American club. I-I kept myself busy as much as I could. 

[in Italian] That’s wonderful! Those all sound fun. Thank you for sharing. [in English] You’re welcome! 

Two more questions! How is your relationship with mental health and grief currently? How often do you feel a lot of negative emotions associated with Uncle Bobby’s passing? Have you made peace with it basically? 

Uhh I would say in the beginning I was very resentful. I think I was so hopeless and upset it turned into anger. I would say I was even angry at God, but as time went on, you know, I thought well everybody has to die, and I was grateful he at least lived for 75 years. I worked hard to make the adjustment. 

How would you say currently, like today, would you say you have fully accepted it, or would you say some days you’re still angry? 

No, I’m not angry anymore. I would say I have fully accepted it. I have no choice. You’ve got to accept what you get in life. You’ve got to accept, so I accepted it.

And how would you say you’ve created meaning in your life after Uncle Bobby passed away? Who do you spend the majority of your time with and what do you guys do? 

Well I guess my children and a few close friends. [After the loss] we did things together. Women that I would go to lunch with, and my three children. They were the most important. And people like your mother and father and your grandfather and grandmother would pick me up and very often we came out to your house and I babysat you. It was fun! We babysat you! 

Yeah! I remember. It was a lot of fun! 

Yeah they used to take me up there and that was very comforting because I was with family and with young people. I was with my brother, my sister in law, my niece, my nephew, you. You know that was a wonderful time! That made me very umm, that made me very happy. I was surrounded by family. That was, that was good. That was good. 

And what does your day to day life look like now? Like what would you say is an average day. You wake up and then what do you do? 

Well, it’s hard now because I’m old, so I don’t do as much as I used to do but like I go out like…like one day a week I play mahjong, another day a week I go to the senior’s [center], another day I go grocery shopping, which I don’t do much anymore now because [my grandson] Vincenzo does it for me because it’s tiring. So day to day, I dunno, I get up and I do my few chores in the house. I try to get out a little bit. I walk. And that’s about it, hon. That’s about it.

**redacted**, that’s way more active than I think you think it is. I’ve been around a lot of older people, they’re not doing any of that! [laughs] 

Oh no! 

And they’re way younger than you are! 

Really? [laughs] Well I’m trying, but I am…I do find that I am getting more tired physically. Obviously, then I did even say 2 years ago, but I guess that’s just the normal aging process. That’s what I consider the aging process. But umm, I dunno! That’s the best answer I could give you! 

That’s a very good answer! Thank you! 

[laughs] You’re a sweetheart! 

[laughs] The last thing I want to ask is if someone was in your situation where they’re about 75 years old and lost their husband, what advice would you give them? 

Hmmm…hmmm. Let me think. Let me think. Well, I think first I would say to handle it one day at a time. Uhh…to have faith. To have faith like in God, and to feel like you’re not alone. To ask God to help relieve your pain, and help you get through it. And to stay, and to stay alert and if you were working, keep working. Get a job, get out of the house. Get out of the house! Don’t stay in all day. That’s not good. 

That’s perfect. That’s all I have for you. I’m gonna stop the recording now, and we’ll catch up. Thank you so much **redacted**!

Sophia Pomposelli is a junior studying Biology in the College of Arts and Sciences and is pursuing the Pre-Medical track. Growing up in Colorado fostered her interest in promoting equity in medicine, with a particular focus on improving healthcare access for undocumented and underprivileged communities. She extends her sincere thanks to her WR150 instructor, Stuti Das, for her continuous encouragement and insightful feedback, as well as to her late Grandma Mary for always believing in her.