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I notice that after festive meals, the carcass of a bird is often picked over quite joyously and rigorously by only the womenfolk. Is there some psychological meaning behind this?

"What a wonderful question!" says Frances K. Grossman, CAS psychology professor, who conducted a search and elicited comments from psychologists and social workers in order to answer this week's question.

"Virtually all women have an ambivalent relationship with food," she observes. "Since women are constantly told by a variety of media that they are the wrong shape, wrong size, and - especially - too big, most girls and women are dieting or trying to diet most of the time. Picking at a carcass is one way for the women to stay engaged with food and to be eating without actually consuming very much in the way of calories.

"Too, many females are still taught that they should come last in the family. This means that the best cut of meat and the largest piece of dessert, for example, go first to the man of the house and then to the boys. In many families, at festive meals such as the Passover seder or Christmas dinner, the hostess hardly sits down until the end of the meal, at which point it is the bones that are left.

"Sadly, some women still believe that they don't deserve anything better than the carcass. This question relates to the messages the culture gives women about being unsatisfactory and second class."

Of course, this answer doesn't apply to the family dog, who often joins the womenfolk in the kitchen after a festive meal in hopes of getting scraps from a carcass - or the gift of a bone to gnaw on.

"Ask the Bridge" welcomes readers' questions. E-mail bridge@bu.edu or write to "Ask the Bridge," 10 Lenox Street, Brookline, MA 02446.

8 December 2000
Boston University
Office of University Relations