“Recovery at BU” spotlights the experiences of six BU students in recovery from substance use.
Each student is highlighted through three photos accompanied by their responses to questions like: “What did entering recovery look like for you?”. Recovery at BU is an opportunity for students to candidly and anonymously share their experiences in recovery. The project aims to help destigmatize substance use disorder and recovery by showing that people in recovery are everywhere, including Boston University.
This project is a collaboration between Sophie Park (CAS’20) and the BU Collegiate Recovery Program.
What did entering recovery look like for you?
“Just like my disease was progressive, so has been my recovery – which is ultimately good news, because that means I will continue to learn and grow and working on my recovery will never get old. The beginning was hard, though. I struggled for over three years to fully surrender to this disease of addiction. As a competitive person, it was hard for me to accept that I couldn’t fix this on my own. But, thankfully, I finally realized that addiction is something in my life that when I surrender to the fact that I have it, and ask others to help me with it, I actually win.” – CRP Member (SPH)
What is one obstacle you have faced as a student in recovery?
“Feeling like I need to be the voice of all people in recovery in some of my master’s classes – because substance use disorder is often a topic of conversation as a public health problem.” – CRP Member (SPH)
What is one thing that has surprised you about recovery?
“That I would be, on most days, content with myself and where I am in my life. I have found a new inner peace that I didn’t think was possible without drugs or alcohol. Nor did I think I could have fun without substances – and boy, was I wrong about that!” – CRP Member (SPH)
What did entering recovery look like for you?
“It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t simple. I made attempts at abstinence over the years, but it never stuck. Sometimes I only lasted two weeks. In 2013, I cut amphetamines out of my life and was abstinent from everything for a little while. But pretty soon, I started everything back up. I entered recovery in June 2016, which for me means I ceased using any alcohol or drugs. It meant actively trying to live healthier, to give more to myself and others, and to find stability in myself as well. Collegiate recovery played a pivotal role in taking the big leap because I had other folks to relate to, and share validation, and talk with. For the first two years I lived in sober housing and that really helped.” – CRP Member (SSW)
What is one thing that has surprised you about recovery?
“I have a girlfriend I’m very fond of. Before recovery I had difficulty maintaining relationships, romantic ones included. I was a bitter and unstable person and hard to be around. I had always suspected and hoped that once I got on a healthier track and built on successes that I might find someone. But reality is always both literally and figuratively more three-dimensional that we can imagine. I’m grateful for all the small moments and nuances. I also never predicted how helpful having a recovery ally as a partner would be. She actively supports me and tries to engage in recovery news.” – CRP Member (SSW)
What is one thing you want other BU students to know about recovery?
“We’re here. We’re similar to you in more ways than we’re different. We go to the same school. We like to have fun. We have goals. But we’ve also gone through something unique. Our tribulations are a strength.” – CRP Member (SSW)
What did entering recovery look like for you?
“I had a relatively “high bottom.” I never drank on the job or did anything “crazy” when I was drinking; I’m introverted so most people didn’t even realize I was drunk when I was. I thought alcohol was my answer to social anxiety and depression, but ironically I ended up even more isolated and with lower self-esteem. I was binge-drinking every night alone after work, and I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. I would get one week sober, then relapse, one week, then relapse over and over until finally I walked into an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting and got four months sober. I left AA to give moderation a try (it failed), but all of the tools and coping mechanisms that I use to this day I learned in AA with the help of my awesome sponsor. I made more progress in those four months than I had made in five years of therapy alone. I’ve been in and out of sobriety for the past couple of years, but now I’m coming up to one year of sobriety.” – CRP Member (COM)
What is one obstacle you have faced as a student in recovery?
“Answering the classic question, “Why don’t you drink?” Most people don’t really care about the answer, but I’m still weary of being judged. Particularly since my career and livelihood could really hinge on networking in grad school, I don’t know if I should tell anyone or when to broach the subject in a work environment. Impressions can be strong, and I’m not sure that I want one of the first things for someone to know about me to be that I’m sober.” – CRP Member (COM)
What does the CRP mean to you?
“Just knowing that CRP exists has given me so much peace of mind. Knowing that there is a support network I can use and that there are people who I can relate to around campus makes me feel less ashamed and more empowered.” – CRP Member (COM)
What did entering recovery look like for you?
“Entering recovery took hard work and a realization that something needed to change. I have dealt with co-occurring disorders for my whole life. I had previously sought treatment for bipolar disorder, amongst other things. The subject of substance use had popped up previously, but I didn’t address it.
In August of 2016, I had a mental health episode directly related to my drinking and drug use. I went straight to McLean Hospital and detoxed in a psychiatric unit that specialized my diagnoses, including substance use disorder. From there I went to a diagnostic program at McLean Hospital, a 30 day alcohol and drug rehab, and a sober house where I learned how to live life in recovery and what that looked like for me.” – CRP Member (CFA)
What is one obstacle you have faced as a student in recovery?
“I’ve faced many obstacles in recovery, including stigma and an eating disorder (which is common for people with substance use disorders). I successfully dealt with that during my first year of recovery. I celebrated my first year of sobriety while in an eating disorder program at a meeting in the city.” – CRP Member (CFA)
What is one thing that has surprised you about recovery?
“That recovery has changed my life.
It’s a marathon not a sprint. I picture it as running along the Charles River Esplanade and seeing the sights of my life. I recently celebrated four years of recovery. I have since graduated from BU, taken in two cats, moved into an apartment, got an art studio, and am looking towards the future.
One huge support are the friends that I have made in recovery who are like minded and on this journey with me. The BU recovery community has been instrumental in my process and people I will call friends for a long time.” – CRP Member (CFA)
What did entering recovery look like for you?
“I got sober at 18, in the first semester of my freshman year. Addiction runs in my family, so I knew I was susceptible to alcoholism, but I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I could have a problem with alcohol at such a young age. When I got to college, I realized I was a bit different — most people my age were having their first real experiences with alcohol and drugs, but I was already grappling with an addiction that had started years before. My peers drank for fun, but I drank because I needed to. In a way, college was a blessing — it exacerbated lots of the consequences of drinking that pushed me towards getting sober.
In the end, entering recovery was nothing short of a miracle. Somehow I found the willingness to ask for help and connect with other people like me. I found community in Twelve Step meetings and discovered that there were others my age that were also getting sober or had even gotten sober before college. When I realized I wasn’t alone, as cliché as it sounds, I realized that it was possible for me to stay sober too.” – CRP Member (CAS)
What is one obstacle you have faced as a student in recovery?
“As a student in recovery, I feel like I live two lives, and it can be challenging. On Saturday nights, my peers are going to Tavern in the Square and I’m hanging out at a Twelve Step meeting with my friends. Which is 100% fine. I’ve accepted that I just have to have slightly different priorities than other people my age.
I think one of the most invalidating experiences I’ve had is people telling me I’m too young to have a problem with drinking or too young to be sober. In college among party-goers, there’s the perception that everyone is an “alcoholic” to some degree, and people throw around the word like it’s nothing. That was a challenge I faced, too, when I was getting sober. I would tell myself, “Everyone drinks this way! Everyone gets hospitalized all the time! Everyone is put on academic probation!” Obviously, this isn’t true, but the culture around partying certainly muddles the waters around what is normal and what isn’t. The cool thing is that today I know who I am and am comfortable with it.” – CRP Member (CAS)
What is one thing that has surprised you about recovery?
“I’ve been surprised by how full and fun and vibrant my life has been in recovery. Before I got sober, I could barely pull myself out of bed. I was me, but I wasn’t the true or best version of myself. In recovery, I’ve been able to do what I love, show up for the people in my life, and just be a functioning human. When I entered recovery, I definitely thought that my life was over. I was resigned to believing I would live out the rest of my college years in boredom, away from anything exciting. But I’ve found the exact opposite. Being in recovery has been such a joy.” – CRP Member (CAS)
What did entering recovery look like for you?
“I didn’t know what recovery was going to look like, and I definitely didn’t want to be sober for the rest of my life. I just knew that things were getting so dark and my drinking was more out of control than ever, and I had run out of options. Everything looked okay on the outside, but I had never felt emptier.” – CRP Member (LAW)
What is one obstacle you have faced as a person in recovery?
“Students in recovery have to navigate two different worlds. At school, I’m surrounded by people around my age who most likely haven’t had the same experiences with drugs or alcohol. There’s a lot of drinking and socializing. But when I’m with other people in recovery who aren’t students, they don’t always understand the stresses inherent in being a student and competing obligations. It can be confusing to navigate between the two sometimes.” – CRP Member (LAW)
What is one thing that has surprised you about recovery?
“I never expected to be this happy without alcohol. Alcohol was the foundation of my social life, what I did for fun, and how I related to other people. I had to give up what felt like everything at the time to know what was really missing from my life.” – CRP Member (LAW)