ARNOST LUSTIG
Lea of Leuwarden
"YES," SHE ENCOURAGED ME.
"Yes," I let myself be encouraged.
"I'd like to tell you that
I'll
be with you for a long time," she said.
And then: "But it wouldn't be the truth."
"I'd like to tell you that
I'll
stay with you forever if you'll be nice to
me, if you won't forget about me," she continued.
"Yes," I whispered.
"But it wouldn't be the truth," she said again. "Nobody loves any–
body else more than himself." There was a pause. Then she said, "Do
you want to have a baby with me?"
"It's fine the way it is now," I whispered again. "That's all there is."
"It has to be fine," she said.
Then she told me to come nearer, as close as I could get to her, and let her
get as close as she could to me. "Closer-the closest you can," she said.
I caressed her face, her forehead, and her hair with both my hands,
connected by my body in her body, by my soul or part of my soul with
hers. It formed something that was beyond time or the dimension we
were in, something that compacted and accelerated everything. Instinct
told me all that was good or not so good about her. I could not only see
it with my eyes but I also breathed it in, from her whisper to all her
touches combined, just like from each one alone. They all merged into
something as all-embracing as light, the sun, or the stars. Her face
looked like it was made out of porcelain and it was prettier than I had
ever seen it before. Making love had softened and colored it, endowing
her with a new beauty. She glistened with sweat. Both of us were
changed. I placed the tip of my finger on her throat and felt her pulse,
her blood throbbing. Her skin was warm, heated by fear and expecta–
tion. Her nakedness made her seem defenseless, just like it makes a man
look stronger. I looked for the strength in her weakness, weakness in her
strength. She had always resembled a beautiful animal-one that had
strayed too far and perhaps already knew that it would never find its
way home again. The sense it made was beautiful and sad at the same
time because it couldn't last, even if we could have drawn it out forever.
