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PARTISAN REVIEW
he could do about it.
''I'm going to go pee," she said mournfully.
She did not move away, though. She stood there looking at him with
her head tilted to one side.
"Have a nice pee," he said, bringing up the neutral tone.
She stood there looking at him with her blue transparent eyes wide
open and impenetrable.
"Don't you want to come watch me," she said finally.
* * *
"Out out out!" Heimlich was shouting. "No diddling in the piss par–
lor! Everybody out on deck for shuffleboard! This means you, McCool!"
He pounded on the bathroom door until Mick came out, Adriana fol–
lowing him resentfully, and then he swept them into the living room,
carrying himself with a ruthless swagger, the close-cropped beard preced–
ing him like a prow, the jutting nose its figurehead. It was the swagger of
a commander preparing to unleash germ warfare on his own troops. The
guests fell back before him. Small fissures of anticipation broke into their
faces. They gave way before him like disciples awaiting a dangerous mira–
cle. Heimlich was going to squeeze blood from a stone again, and all of
them wanted to see it, and none of them wanted to be the stone.
Mick tried to break away but Heimlich's fingers dug into his neck,
keeping him close. The whole room was watching now. Heimlich turned
to them and held up his hands for silence. The guests broke into derisive
applause. Heimlich loved it. He put his hands on his hips and scowled at
them to keep the applause going. The trick worked, and someone even
began to whistle.
"You're a sick group," Heimlich said finally.
"But,"
he added, "you are
not sick
enough.
And I'm very disappointed in all of you."
There were moans from the guests.
"I appreciate the contrapuntal contrition." Heimlich lifted his head
and stared down the blade of his nose. "But we are not interested in weep–
ing here. We are likewise not interested in wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Herman Melville was interested in whaling and gnashing of teeth. We are
not. I'll tell you what we are interested in here. We are interested in
something to offend everyone. That is what we are interested in."
There was a moment of silence, and then Adriana suddenly began to
clap. There was a smile on her face like the fixed irrelevant smile on a mar–
ionette.
Heimlich ignored her.
"Something to offend everyone," he repeated. "But what do I find
when I pick up a copy of last month's issue. You want to know what I
