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PARTISAN REVIEW
of the Devil's presence, belief in Providence - just as in my writing.
When I read
The Penitent,
1 said to myself that Singer has the same atti–
tude toward Hassidic orthodoxy that I have toward orthodox
Catholicism. That is the source of my true kinship with Singer, which is
stronger than with any other living prose writer, Polish or American.
Nobel Prizes for two alienated men ... .
A~lgust
11, 1987.... An artist and an exception to the norm. Since the
days of Romanticism we have been accustomed to this link, even to a
link with illness; Thomas Mann placed it at the center of his concerns.
Probably under the influence of Romanticism, I hit upon the idea of
substitute, compensatory activities, but I really have no sympathy for
"sick geniuses." Who knows if my ambition wouldn't have been better
nourished by ordinary virtues, even if it meant that I would not create a
single work?
Mediocrity as an ideal? Because then there are no guilty feelings
about one's own existence. In Berkeley, I derive pleasure from being ad–
dressed as "Doctor" or "Professor." The satisfaction of belonging to a
respected clan, but without excesses, because after all, "one pays for ev–
erything," as the devil, the assistant manager of the hotel, says in Leszek
Kolakowski's play
Hotel Eden.
Last night, dinner at the Leonard Nathans' and a discussion about
how to phrase one's refusal when turning down an invitation to partici–
pate in meaningless performances organized in support of international
causes. Decency would require us to give the reasons why we think de–
bates about, for example, how to introduce democracy, tolerance, and
peace to the planet are a waste of time. But people like to travel to
Paris at someone else's expense, and if they refuse , they prefer to do so
politely.
August
12, 1987. Marek prepared the soil and we planted the
bougainvillea . It is delicate and doesn't transplant easily. The one that I
bought for Nela last year in the old city of Menton was sickly for a
long time; it lost its leaves.
So, I am trying to understand my life. I have to confess that my
terror of the illness-genius correlation was downright obsessive and it
explains many of my decisions. Stubborn, suspicious, stingy, cautious - a
real Lithuanian - I was determined to husband my resources within their
limits, believing that 1 would disintegrate if I forgot about my weak–
nesses. My marriage lasted nearly fifty years, in spite of everything. I chose
Janka in order that her eyes, her judgment would govern my behavior,
