I saw it as it meandered up and down
The minor ports of your body,
Sweating and scared to the point
I could no longer say: I feel this fear , but I was it
Arriving as fainting, small clouds of nausea,
Until I feel that under the sweat and flow ,
Under the yellow gown and
Transparent gloves and the mask which I cannot decide
To adjust over mouth , or nose , or both ,
I melt and reform with you .
The air wavers, unsure of its purpose,
And outside your window the Hudson sidles
Between its leggy banks, and under your window
Men and women circle on strike, and you arch yourself
In imitation of their circling, in pain as we talk ,
As you run out of yourself with a vengeance .
I love you incredibly for coming here ,
you say .
But what's more incredible than that I will leave you
Saturated in disease, though it's you I hold
And your hand all day, doing nothing.
I picture small circles of sickness
Soaking from your hand
Through the thin glove
Which covers mine .
Mid-afternoon you push your covers from you
Like a swarm of bees, and expose yourself
With a man's genitals caught
Between the vise of a boy's legs .
The light browses through the room
Looking for some reason
To stay .
When I bring my hand to my mouth
I want to wash it.
So invalid and singular will I become,
I guard my breathing as a secret.
