576
"You believe that?"
"Yes ."
PARTISAN REVIEW
Funny, when I do get around to giving Daniel something, he
goes right past it. Turns me down.
"Well, Elena," he says stiffly, "these four years between us. Our
off and on, in the end ..." he pauses, "It's come down to one of those
casual things."
"Casual?" I look at him. He means, now, to smash . "Casual's
not a word in my vocabulary."
Daniel sits down on his bunk. And he puts his oversize head
between his two hands, and he weeps with the noisiness of a big
man . "You brought the yawl back home, Elena . You stuck with it. A
man has to be moved by something in this putrid world ."
"But the world's never been putrid to you. You are crying for
yourself," I snap at him.
Now it is me who has come up on deck, leaving Daniel behind.
Almost yelling at the skies. "Daniel ... you are no different from
those blue-jeaned kids, aimlessly wandering from town to town. Ex–
cept you are a rich
turista,
and you have other
gurus.
Like fighting the
elements that have long ago been tamed. Nature lovers, the lot of
you, with murderer's hearts."
But that's not who you were, Daniel.
And I stand on the deck,
remembering how wonderful and pure Braden's Press seemed to me
then.
But you, Elena, were never that innocent. You lead people like Daniel
on. Tell him to go free. When what you meant was Just a little free. So subur–
ban America, as well as the hippies, yippies, yuppies, and porno cable sex are
all hanging out. And now you want to put it back. Have again the dull old
good America ofyour childhood.
Daniel knows you meant to wound him. And did.
"Elena," Daniel calls from below, "Ah, sweetie, come back
down."
You, Elena, are the one who wants the affair to end. You are the grown–
ups now.
And I climb down back the hatch, knowing tomorrow we
will be at Hannah's Point, and it will all be over, and a new phase
will begin . I become quieter. When I think about things clear–
mindedly, why, my existence - away from the yawl- is shaping up
quite nicely. There are all sorts of new possibilities . But as I stare
through the porthole at the sullen Long Island night sky, I whisper,
so
sotto voce
Daniel, who I will never stop wanting until the end of my
days, doesn't hear - Roosevelt, Roosevelt I need you now.
• • •
