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pimping the vicarious stuff, the erotic espionage and tales of mad–
ness, and peddling their lives and pandering to others) without foun–
dation , and that , all in all , these guys formed a demonic legion of
lovers for whom everything was inverted and whose judgments and
opinions reversed all truths: they did this to protect themselves ,
sometimes knowingly. They were all subject to bursts of confes–
sion - but they were not held to the facts of the confession since they
were all confessedly mad and they all were drunken.
I expected someone as smart and New Yorkish as Johnno to
know
I was being both clumsily stylish and clumsily honorable in
refusing the role of The Beautiful Man - or Beauty on the Hoof-or
part of a legitimately legendary love affair- I mean it was of enor–
mous public advantage to me to have J ohnno's feelings for me
publicized and for me to have some publicly back for him - it would
have compelled attention, compelled even posterity.
So, in a very complex way, as if! were huddling under a tree in
a noisy rainstorm, and with unutterably minor dignity-or lack of
dignity-I said, "I saw a movie once,
Rope,
it was supposed to show
events in continuous time: it was interesting but it couldn't do it
well, the thing of how facial expressions matter in real life and what
lying does. I mean if time is continuous, talk and acts don't have to
be typical in order to have meaning, they have meaning because of
when they occur, in a tower of glasses-in a sequence of minutes.
The typical is too grand to apply to real people."
"Yes?" he said angrily but humanly: this wasn't the full spec–
trum: he was holding back. "The intelligence with which we are
in–
telligent
about'
art'
and '
love'
are
always' only' too
typical: a
passionate
MOOD is much more intelligent -" See, he was
talking
again.
"You're talking about something else, Johnno. I have asked
everyone , everyone I know, 'Is everyone lying about life when they
talk?'"
Johnno said, "My favorite answer to every question is yes ."
"My favorite answer is
That's not true."
Then: "When did you
decide about women, to be both- a man and a woman: - in your–
self?"
Johnno, tossing spittle when he spoke, and drinking less steadily,
said, "I never talk about women or baseball-"
"Do you ever get scared that a woman might kill you? Poison
you?
If
you answer no, I know you're not honest."
"I
am
honest . No ."
"You're lying."
