56
PARTISAN REVIEW
unusual , just the usual sparring with the Nazis . This time it was a
matter of driving another man from the square. Hannes grabbed
him by the back of the head, the fellow reeled but would not col–
lapse, and started punching. He landed one on Hannes's forehead ,
then almost hit his eye . Hannes got his hands around his throat.
And then it happened - suddenly two SS men were standing before
Hannes, both with revolvers in their hands . One of them kicked him
in the shins . That was bad, but to be expected under the cir–
cumstances. But the other one came right up to him, face to face ,
and suddenly Hannes had the revolver up against his heart . And
that was it. What happened next? Nothing and everything, so to
speak. Suddenly his knees no longer seemed to belong to him, nor
his legs and the ground under his feet; it all caved in. And his heart
was also gone - it had stopped beating .
He was no coward, Hannes said reflectively, not more cow–
ardly than anyone , probably braver, in fact. When he was around
shooting- and it wasn't only one side which did the shooting- then
he used his gun and stood fast, and did not notice until afterwards
that he had been scared. But the gun's muzzle at his heart and this
young, rosy-faced pipsqueak with the fish eyes so close that he blot–
ted out everything else, even the sky - that was something else, not
fear but a terror that in a second could turn a body into a limp rag .
"And I haven't told you the worst part yet.
If
he had questioned
me, I would have blurted out everything. I would have betrayed the
comrades, can you understand that? Anyone who knows me
wouldn't believe it .. ."
"But you didn't betray anyone, Hannes ," I reassured him.
"True, but that was only because he didn't ask me anything but
just kept mum as a fish, with his fish eyes. You're a psychologist, so I
want to know what a person can do against that kind of terror, I
mean, what can be done so you stand your ground?"
In fact he did not need my explanation . He needed to talk–
about himself, his family, his successes in the last few weeks as one of
the fighting members of the Red Front. He did not notice, and it did
not occur to me until later , that he was providing a complete confes–
sion, which would have given the police and the Nazis information
on conditions and incidents within the Communist Party and on the
steps it had taken since November for safeguarding its illegal ex–
istence . He is spilling secrets, I thought. To put an end to it, I turned
off the ceiling light, but he talked on. When he finally stopped to
