ISAAC ROSENFELD
23
Brooklyn whore ho uses. Tha t he was disgusted with them because they
did not ye t know how
to
speak Sanskrit a t the age of three;
&
with their
mother, because she understood no La tin Vulga te. Tha t the mea ls
&
the ordinary ho useho ld business were conducted onl y in Egyptian .
Tha t once, when Ein stein paid them a vi sit, fa ther took him
to
one o f
his twenty-five cent houses. They owe their present antiacademicism to
their ha tred of their fa ther; rebelling aga inst him
&
hi s di scipline, they
promptl y fo rgo t the la nguages
&
sciences he taught them ,
&
have a
di staste amounting
to
nausea, for the class ics.
Hilbert they tell of an amorous woman with a passion for
intellectua ls. They have him panting in no time. But there a re certa in
drawbacks: she's mad, abso lutely crazy,
&
a little queer bes ides. She
sometimes won ' t let a ma n go. T he las t man she had she kept locked in
her room, witho ut food or wa ter, for three weeks. No ma tter
to
Hilbert,
he wants her. But she prefers exoti c men . " Exoti c? Alrig ht, I'll be
exotic." "Who, you? How can you ?" They think it over. Perhaps a n
Indian. " But we' ll have
to
stain your skin ." Hilbert is willing.
Mahogany o r walnut?
It
doesn 't ma tter. Do it, quick,
&
lead him
to
her!" " I wanted to see," says Willy, " how fa r g reed would take him. He
was actually willing
to
be sta ined mahogany, with no thought a t a ll,
whether the stain was permanent !" They kept him strung for three
weeks. Al so Ray, who was angry when he finall y ca ught on . The Edith
story also wo rked on Rhoda
&
Fay who, till this day, have no t been able
to work their way compl etely out o f it.
Milto n they stung with the Morris Plan. He showed up one day,
broke, asking for money. " Have you never heard of the Morris Plan ?
Go sell them an idea. You write out a n idea for an a rticl e, sto ry, fea ture,
poem, etc.,
&
leave it as security aga inst your loan .
If
you do n 't return
the money in the agreed time, they ge t in touch with their connections
in magazines, newspapers, publishing ho uses, etc.,
&
sell it for a p ro fit.
Many books have been written this way-they fo llow up with a list of
Morris Plan books. Louis Bromfield is well known as a Providentia l
Loan author. " " Just like you intell ectuals. No respect for ideas . Yo u
think they' re ch eap. In America, ideas are worth money!" Kl onsky
leaves the house, convinced . Weeks pass, they don 't see him. When they
finall y meet, he is angry, dista nt, co ld. One day he sits within three feet
of Herb in the pa rk
&
pretends not
to
see him. A very probable
conj ecture, that he foll owed their advice, went to the Mo rris Pla n offi ce
&:
asked to see the litera ry adviser.
" If
you 're going to bait someone," Will y concludes with a wisdom
worthy of Hitler , "make sure it's absolutely fantasti c
&
unbelievable."
