PARTISAN REVIEW
105
This is not the digression it seems. It's people who count, and
not epidermal wrappings. Momentarily, I had to refer to my own
little jungle childhood, to get my brains back on how things
actually
had been.
I wasn't all that calm. My he.art was ferociously pounding.
"Listen," I said. "Listen -"
But what was I going to say? I hadn't the remotest idea. My
mouth was dryas if I'd been running against a strong wind.
"Listen -" I managed to get his attention.
I craved to be devious,
it
seemed the only way.
"Listen," I said (with a repose I didn't feel), "the trouble is:
none of you have explained enough."
"About what?"
"About - the money."
"What?"
"I mean -" I could hear in my voice an insane levity. "I
mean, the moJ1.CY you were all talking ,about when we first sat down."
My Adversary glanced at me, perplexed.
"Money?" His tone was gentle. "But - nobody mentioned
money." He glanced around the table. "At least, I don't think any–
body did."
I insisted that they had, and wished they'd go on about it.
"Bec.ause, what everybody said was all so fascinating!"
As irony, the speech was a flop. But I was under my own com–
pulsion. I didn't know why I was doing it. I didn't, either, feel ex–
cessively feline. Just angry, confused and numb. My heart was
heavily pounding.
Awhile longer, I continued with the nonsense. A few - I noticed
the woman at the very end - O'Leary and some others were eyeing
me quizzically. But none seemed prompted to investigate the error.
Only my Enemy was accommodating.
"I assure you," he said, "nobody uttered a word. In fact, well–
that simply wasn't the subject. Isn't it funny, though, how you got
that? When we were talking.... I really can't imagine...."
His
head tilted down. Puzzlement, good will. I wasn't scored
for the childish masquerade. He appeared to believe me. I was
struck by the matter-of-factness. There was something about the
expression. It was the same enthusiastic candor I'd assumed, a short
